tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-24859257667941856052024-03-13T04:47:59.991-07:00Kneel Before RodRod Flanders is a man of distinction.steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.comBlogger28125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-78271582364160497042011-11-19T06:02:00.000-08:002011-11-19T09:20:32.870-08:00Long Time, First Time. I'll Hang Up and Listen. A Sports Radio Advice Guide...<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ouWx5PZQPwM/TsdGH-Jb4yI/AAAAAAAAALY/9qTWNeHVdi4/s1600/A2H2QKCA0MNDR6CA27XKGECAXCYZE9CATY2EPFCAIT546HCAPWW536CAPPL8X5CAOG3LQCCA0HRUCSCABC08Y0CA82E2R0CA3F0TJ5CAXRM5FACAWRTXGDCA6SRPBQCAIA6PF1CA9G1PCKCAXW9RZJ.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" height="200px" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-ouWx5PZQPwM/TsdGH-Jb4yI/AAAAAAAAALY/9qTWNeHVdi4/s200/A2H2QKCA0MNDR6CA27XKGECAXCYZE9CATY2EPFCAIT546HCAPWW536CAPPL8X5CAOG3LQCCA0HRUCSCABC08Y0CA82E2R0CA3F0TJ5CAXRM5FACAWRTXGDCA6SRPBQCAIA6PF1CA9G1PCKCAXW9RZJ.jpg" width="200px" /></a></div>I want you to know something. I only like the beginnings of things. I mean, who wouldn't? Who wants to deal with funerals, kissing Martha Plimpton or melted ice cream? Not me, not me. <br />
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I can' t be the only one? Who hasn't "accidentally" hit the reset button on Pitfall a million times or rewound the scene where Mila Kunis and Natalie Portman get into the cab for the first time. Sadly, for the same reason. <br />
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I guess that's what I love and hate about sports radio in Vancouver. Every show begins with such promise, a pristine, unscripted world waiting to be populated with the thoughts and machinations of the hosts. Of course, it usually only lasts about 5 minutes until that pristine world becomes the broadcasting equivalent of a chocolate fountain set up in Caligula's bedroom. <br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fwtSomPgYaw/TsdGDhImbfI/AAAAAAAAALQ/mqf3_4j7rZE/s1600/hall+and+oates.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" hda="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-fwtSomPgYaw/TsdGDhImbfI/AAAAAAAAALQ/mqf3_4j7rZE/s1600/hall+and+oates.jpg" /></a></div>It's an obvious problem alright. The Canucks are the only show in town. Oh, excuse me, the only show in town that matters. Yes, I know we have the CFL, and soccer, but let's face facts, the Canucks are John Oates to the rest of the sports' Daryl Hall. Sure, they're professional teams, but all they do is sing back up and clap their hands. <br />
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The thing is, sports radio has 10 hours to fill, and there's just so much dissection of the Canucks a guy can take. So, to fill up some of that time, the callers have their say. No, really. Now, this may sound like the Algonquin round table. A civilized discourse among peers as they trade pithy bon mots around a few glasses of tawny port, but instead it usually ends up turning into the last five hours of Ho Chi Minh City, and there's only room on the helicopter for your wife or hooker.<br />
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Look, let me just say it: You're going to embarrass yourself. But with this helpful primer, maybe you won't be one of these guys...<br />
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<ol><li><strong>Little Miss Obvious</strong> - You like to take up valuable bandwdth by subjecting the audience to such revelations as; "...fighting is part of the game," "...the power play has to get going," "...Luongo needs to have a better start" "Cupcakes are just gay muffins..." You're the same guy that likes to point out continuity errors in movies or asks for the nutritional information at Arbys. Tip... You're at an ARBY'S! You use airquotes for no reason and your email signature has some kind of quote in it. There's more than a 90% chance you've paid for sex because your last girlfriend left you after you stopped her naughty schoolgirl fantasy halfway through because she wasn't writing "Do Me" in whipped cream on her stomach in the approved MLA style.</li>
<li><strong>The Expert - </strong>You like to take time out from your high pressure job to call in and give some advice about the topic of the day. "I'm a male nurse so I think I know a little something about Sidney Crosby's concussion." Where else is this even permissable? Are there people calling up <em>Meet the Press </em>with things like "Hi, I'm part of a puppet regime in a small Central American country, but I've just made the leap to dictator ruling with an iron fist, so I think I know a little something about genocide." You're the guy who passes out his business card at parties or talks about his SAT scores 15 years after the fact. Without a doubt you have spun the time you stood next to Alex Burrows at a urinal into being his best friend. You even have pictures.</li>
<li><strong>Played the Game Guy - </strong>Your claim to fame is calling in and letting the audience know that the reason Luongo's play has been subpar as of late is because he's just not thinking the game correctly. You can say this because you played goalie in house league when you were 7. You've got a jersey with your name on the back. Wait, you've got your nickname on it. No, wait.. you've got a home jersey with your name and an away jersey with your nickname. You put ketchup on most of your food and when the "butter" scene comes on in "Last Tango in Paris" you scoff that margarine would have been the better choice. </li>
<li><strong>One Sided Crazy Trade Guy - </strong>I'm not sure how you've managed to find the time from your lucrative Nigerian Letter email scam or flat hose infommercials to call in, but you've managed to figure out how the Canucks can get their hands on a guy like Evgeni Malkin for the low price of a couple of 3rd liners and a pick. You're the kind of guy that hands out one tic tac or doesn't add a tip when you're out with a group. At some point, you've replaced your roommate's Coke with generic Cola. </li>
<li><strong>Halcyon Days of Yore Guy - </strong>You like to call in on your Jitterbug or corded phone to let us all know how sports were when you were a kid. "These guys don't know how good they got it. In my day, the players were always dying of the consumption and the Kaiser was constantly drafting us into service." You scoff at things like visors and kevlar neck guards. When you watched hockey, sometimes a Bengal tiger would get loose on the ice and kill 3 or four of the players. You're obviously, confused, alone, possibly under the impression you were calling a Bea Arthur sex line. Either way, your grandkids need reminding of how you fought for their right to get lower back tattoos. </li>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><li><strong>Coach Coacherson - </strong>Coach Coacherson coached "Played the Game" guy. He likes to call in to let everyone know that when a player is not playing well you need to bench him or if you need a goal you put your scorers on the ice. If you want to prevent a goal you need to play defense. The TV Guide crossword was tailor made for you. You're the reason they put pictures of the food on menus at chain restaurants. You explain the plots of "Three's Company" to innocent passersby. "In this one, there's a misunderstanding among the roommates over something they've overheard."</li>
</ol>Some smaller quibbles: <br />
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<ol><li>The hosts are always good. They were good the first time they answered the phone, and they're good now. Stop asking.</li>
<li>"Remember that time we met at the game/remote/parole hearing and I said "Woooo-hooo! and Canuck's are number 1" Remember me? No. They don't. </li>
</ol>Follow me at @steveintheKT I'll hang up and listen...steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-22207801961611639132011-11-15T09:57:00.000-08:002011-11-15T09:57:53.367-08:00Running Goalies Today. Enslaving Mankind Tomorrow!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0dQZwGnyQ3s/TsKjWuVzm8I/AAAAAAAAAK4/fza6LBZUAHE/s1600/damien.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" nda="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-0dQZwGnyQ3s/TsKjWuVzm8I/AAAAAAAAAK4/fza6LBZUAHE/s1600/damien.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mrs. Reimer, </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If you’re reading this, then I’m already dead.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I should know better than to trust room temperature seafood in landlocked states. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">For years, we’ve always felt something was always amiss with the relationship between the NHL and the Boston Bruins, and now we know we’re not just raving lunatic fans.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My dearest Marlene, I’ve finally managed to connect the dots, and what I’ve found has confirmed our suspicions all along; there’s a super secret shadow cabinet controlling the NHL. I’m not sure how high it goes, or to what they hope to accomplish. (… the breakdown of western society?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A new world order where we all wear the Minnesota Wild 3<sup>rd</sup> jerseys? I don’t know. I DON’T KNOW!) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KHVaJLBs6Go/TsKjbe5xwDI/AAAAAAAAALI/J18wtleVQ78/s1600/gallagher.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" nda="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-KHVaJLBs6Go/TsKjbe5xwDI/AAAAAAAAALI/J18wtleVQ78/s1600/gallagher.bmp" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Be careful! <b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;">TRUST NO ONE</b>! Take the accompanying evidence to Mike Milbury at <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Hockey Night in Canada. </i>He’s got a good, logical head on his shoulders; he’ll know what to do. Remember, trust no one. My God, look what they’ve done to Tony Gallagher!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Marlene, I love you, I lov……</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Vancouver Police Report </span></i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Date: February 1, 1993</span></i></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Reason for Dispatch: </span></i></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Officer Williams called to residence of Dobrivoje & Snezana Lucic on the occasion of their son’s 5<sup>th</sup> birthday party. Apparently, Gil Stein the president of the NHL had thrown himself off the rooftop after screaming… “Milan, Milan, up here Milan. This is all for you…”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">After canvassing several attendees of the party, it is in my opinion that Mr. Stein’s death was a suicide. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mr. Stein’s office mate, Mr. Gary Bettman will assume the role of NHL president. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SApoiZt14FY/TsKjaM23r2I/AAAAAAAAALA/kXFhcHzuYZY/s1600/milan.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" nda="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-SApoiZt14FY/TsKjaM23r2I/AAAAAAAAALA/kXFhcHzuYZY/s1600/milan.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">July 3, 2003 – Intercepted Email from Delta IceHawks</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Lucic, continues to make excellent progress. We have had an unfortunate setback, not making the Coquitlam Express on the first try out, but I have taken the necessary steps to ensure that he will make the team. Darcy Rota has his sights set on a large puck moving defenseman from Alberta, but he is about to meet with an unfortunate accident on an outdoor pond. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Unrelated, do we really need the dogs with the glowing eyes? I mean , they’re freaking us all out. It’s already bad enough you keep sending Pierre McGuire to watch over him. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">June 6, 2006 – From the personal journal of Jeremy Jacobs</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">According to the prophecy, it has come to pass. On the 3<sup>rd</sup> week of the summer solstice, when the moon drips with blood, in the city of hemp, a team from the east will rise and take HIM into their fold.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">We’ve done all that is necessary: the human sacrifices, the pentagram under the ice, and the summoning of the demon, Chara for his protection Nothing can stop us.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Also, If <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>you could live up to your end of the contract, and make us more relevant than the RedSox, that would be great. OK, uhhm, maybe the Celtics? No? What about the WNBA? Boatshows?</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Intercepted Emails from Gary Bettman to Colin Campbell</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“…Colin, the time is nigh. Do not disappoint our master. Send out the appropriate emails to your minions, I mean, referees, and ensure that the Bruins are not to be touched. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Even that “fake artist” Savard. He’ll get his….</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t you see what’s happening Marlene? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve been to the NHL offices in the Vatican, and I’ve spoken with Father Ciccarelli. There are no records of Milan Lucic’s birth. The hospital he was born in was consumed in fire, and I can’t prove it yet, but a mysterious elbow keeps appearing on all the pictures I’ve taken of Marc Savard. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Marlene, protect yourself, take whatever precautions are necessary to get this information into the right hands. So many people have given their lives to bring this evil to the surface. Don’t you see it, Marlene? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The hits by Chara, the boarding calls gone unpunished by the league, My God, they’ve even won the Stanley Cup!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Stanley Cup! Granted, the silver of the Cup burns Brad Marchand’s skin, but nonetheless… </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Marlene, if you’re not convinced about Milan, then this last piece of evidence will convince you. Take care my love…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Transcript of Audio Captured from Ryan Miller’s Helmet Mic </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">(grunting, fabric rustling) “**ck you Lucic, Get out of my crease, dick. Get off me, what the **ck? Bull**** you weren’t pushed. Get off of me… What the hell? What’s that on your scalp? Are those 6’s? Hey, ref! REF!! I think Lucic is the antichrist!”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Intercepted Cellular Phone Call from TD Arena in Boston</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Chiarelli: He knows! Ryan Miller knows! He saw the sign, he’ll ruin everything. He’s already blabbed to the referees. What if he gets a “between the benches” segment at the period break? </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bettman: We control the referees. They’ll say nothing. Now is the time to unleash Milan’s wrath. Whisper “Destroy his motorbike and throw it in the lake…” He’ll know what to do.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Godspeed, Maureen! Godspeed! <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me on Twitter @SteveintheKT and for God’s sake, be careful! </span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-28638267930533590172011-11-15T09:55:00.000-08:002011-11-15T09:55:45.834-08:00Sad Kesler vs. Brooding Vampires - Tale of the Tape<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jtvokKSYmCw/TsKiw5wH8eI/AAAAAAAAAKw/rvc3G9oNBK4/s1600/kesler.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" nda="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jtvokKSYmCw/TsKiw5wH8eI/AAAAAAAAAKw/rvc3G9oNBK4/s1600/kesler.bmp" /></a><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NOJwny9sAGc/TsKismA4nYI/AAAAAAAAAKg/B-ltwmceDq8/s1600/vamp.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" nda="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-NOJwny9sAGc/TsKismA4nYI/AAAAAAAAAKg/B-ltwmceDq8/s1600/vamp.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If there are any brooding teens at your house, then you know that this Friday is the release of the new, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Twilight, Gay Vampire </i>movie. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look, I know very little about the franchise, but I’m not going to lie to you, it is way, way down on my list of sullen vampire movies to see. I don’t want to be a total curmudgeon, but when did vampires become pissy teenage girls? Where are the ninja vampire hunters? Where are the ninja werewolves fighting the ninja vampires? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I haven’t been this disappointed in the undead since, Brad Pitt turned Kirsten Dunst into a vampire. Sure, I can forgive the centuries of absolute evil, but creating a Kirsten Dunst that cannot die? Unfathomable! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve not seen a lot of the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Twilight </i>series, but the whole franchise looks like an “Abercrombie and Fitch” catalogue had a baby with Morissey’s lyrics. Here’s what I do know, possibly environmentally aware, bi-curious vampires, (definitely Euros) are being hunted by shirtless werewolves in Seattle. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Big deal! We all know that when it comes to being legendary and shirtless in the Pacific Northwest, it’s all about two words: Ryan. Kesler.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Shirtless Ryan Kesler versus the “Sad-pires” from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Twilight</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Sparkle in the sunlight.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Abs don’t look airbrushed under Roger’s Arena lights.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Kesler</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Live off a diet of blood drained from woodland creatures.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Ice chips and Mark Recchi’s finger.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpires</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Usually, travels in a pack, inflicting horrible evil upon the human world.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Flyers signed him to an offer sheet.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Has a telepathic connection with Bella.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler: “</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">American Express” line lasted two games.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpires</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Forbidden to trespass on ceremonial Indian land.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Teammates need to be aware when the camera comes out.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Can only be killed by beheading.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Labral tear still acts up in the rain.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Allergic to silver. Will cause burns and disfigurement</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">At night, when no one’s around, puts on his Olympic medal and cries.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Will never know the sweet release of death.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">May finish his career in Columbus.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sadpire: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Has been feared and hunted throughout his life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Still refuses any contact with Alan Ladd. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Kesler</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me on Twitter @steveintheKT. I twinkle in the moonlight. </span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-82764822803635238082011-11-15T09:52:00.000-08:002011-11-15T09:52:56.897-08:00Can Ovechkin Beat Gretzky? What about, Batman?<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uLIqSJGaXEg/TrwScG-IRRI/AAAAAAAAAKY/-e5KOg8xC7g/s1600/wwww.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-uLIqSJGaXEg/TrwScG-IRRI/AAAAAAAAAKY/-e5KOg8xC7g/s1600/wwww.jpg" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve always considered myself a rational sports fan. I make no bones about being a lifelong Canucks and Penguins fan, and I would let Peyton Manning do terrible things to me in a stall at the airport, but overall I watch most games with an objective eye.</span> <br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">That’s why I’ve never steered into the world of sports statistics. I think for the most part, to the fan, they’re meaningless. Sure, for the player and his agent, they may mean something at contract time, but I think you can gauge how good a player is or isn’t’ by just watching him.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t need to know Alex Semin’s time on the power play or his shooting percentage to know that he’s an immensely talented player who disappears for large chunks of the game, and then when you’re about to write him off, he lazes through the offensive zone and puts the puck in the back of the net like no one else can. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The same goes for hockey arguments based on numbers. You can project, calculate, and massage the data all you want, but I can pretty much tell you that there are certain records that will never be broken; case in point, Wayne Gretzky’s career record of 894 regular season goals. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The NHL as it stands now has allowed for rule changes to increase more open ice, and as a side effect, more offensive chances. But, is it enough to get a current player to 894 goals? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wait; let’s narrow down our argument a little bit. This is better; Alex Ovechkin won’t beat Wayne Gretzky’s 894 goals. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Yes, he’s electric. Yes, he may be the most talented player in the NHL. Yes, he brings fans, players (on both teams) and media to their feet every time he touches the puck, but he’s still not beating Gretzky’s record. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">As of today, Alex is sitting on 307 goals lifetime, and he’s only 26 years old. Let’s give him the benefit of the doubt and say he plays until he’s 40. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sidenote… Of Sergei Fedorov, Alex Mogilny & Pavel Bure, all noted Russian goal scorers, only Fedorov, played until he was 40 in the NHL. Fedorov has the most goals by a Russian born player at 473.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">That means that Ovechkin will have to score an average of 42 goals a season in order to beat Gretzky by one goal. Currently, he’s on pace for 37 goals this season, a small increase from last year’s 32 goals in 79 games. Here’s why it’s not happening…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Ovechkin’s focus has switched in the last two seasons from “put puck in net” to “What, there’s a defensive zone too?” While not an early frontrunner for the Selke, Ovechkin has been more responsible in his own end, and been more than fine to distribute the puck rather than take it from end to end.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Ovechkin’s time on the ice has gone down. Ovechkin has taken the criticism of him being on the ice too long as one of the factors of the Caps not being able to finish in the playoffs. As a result, Ovechkin has spent less time on the ice. And when you’re on the bench, you’re not scoring. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Physical play, good!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Injuries bad! – At this point, Ovechkin has escaped any significant injuries, but it’s only a matter of time until he’s out for a prolonged period of play, because he plays the game with a lot of physicality. He’s willing to hit, and be hit. A lot of people talk about Ovechkin’s elusiveness, but I see him taking as much contact as any other star player on any other team. Eventually, the rhythm is going to get you. And by rhythm, I mean Raffi Torres.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You can’t take it with you. Ovechkin’s still in his prime, but will he be able to score over 40 per season as he hits 35 plus years? Gretzky’s last 40 goal season was at age 30. As he gets older Ovechkin will have to adjust his game to play more on the perimeter, and with more finesse. Is that something he can do? </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Lean on me. Currently, the Caps are one of the top contenders in the NHL, and have done well with drafting and free agents. The problem is, they’ve done well with drafting and free agents. With the NHL cap the way it is, some of those players will eventually leave for more money. Will the Caps always be able to ice a contending team around Ovechkin? I doubt it. You’re asking for a team to be very good for the next 14 years. Who do they think they are, Detroit? </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Everyone needs money. That’s why they call it money.” A less important point, but a point nonetheless, Of the 3 Russian snipers mentioned previously, not one of them finished with the team they started with, and left their teams disgruntled. Will this be Ovechkin’s fate? Will it affect his goal output?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">OK, I’m going to need a shower after this. And not a regular kind, this has “Silkwood” written all over it. I hate stats; they’re the crutch of the non creative. But I’m not going to lie, I’m not a fan of Ovechkin either. and I’m tired of listening to the cronies out there (You know who you are, Pierre Mcguire, and Joe Beniati) talk about how we’re watching the greatest player in hockey. I would offer that Ovechkin is barely in the top five.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, who’s my top five? </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sidney Crosby</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pavel Datsyuk</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Henrik Sedin</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Alex Ovechkin</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Corey Perry</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Alright, have at it… I’m sure you have opinions. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me on Twitter @SteveintheKT I’ll be tweeting well past my prime. </span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-44625338179619217452011-11-15T09:50:00.000-08:002011-11-15T09:50:54.250-08:00Kneel Before Rod - Puppies Dressed as Bunnies Edition (Don't be a Dick)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0fOcz_m8nxQ/TrwQdGwItTI/AAAAAAAAAKA/spQ2u-Dj2W4/s1600/untitledeee.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-0fOcz_m8nxQ/TrwQdGwItTI/AAAAAAAAAKA/spQ2u-Dj2W4/s1600/untitledeee.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This might be more of an indictment of me than you, but I’m just going to say it. If you don’t like sports, or can’t talk about sports, there’s a more than 90% chance we’re not going to be friends.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I really don’t think I’m asking for much. I’m not asking for you to recite the balk rule or run down the compensation for signing a restricted free agent or anything, but I definitely don’t want to hear that story about your Sister mistaking trail mix for oatmeal again. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Quite honestly, I live by a lot of rules. I’m not apologizing for it, but I think that’s’ what separates us from the animals. Actually, I take that back, I like to think there’s some pretty progressive zebras out there that kick other zebras out of the herd for talking about last week’s, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Entourage. </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Here’s three other things I believe strongly in…</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If you order your steak anything but medium rare, then we have nothing in common, I’m also positive your favourite Spice Girl is the chunky, blonde one. Also, you shouldn’t have a favourite Spice Girl. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If you’re going to have a show in which you rebuild a guy using bionics, then you better be fighting a Sasquatch and or Fembot every second episode. It’s just good manners isn’t it?</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">People like to complain…</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What’s my point? Here’s my point. No one ever interrupts “Brad” down at the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Keg</i> to let him know the ribs were exceptionally well done tonight. Nope, whether it’s commenting anonymously on a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Facts of Life</i> fan blog (It’s always about Blair’s cousin…) or waiting on hold for 45 minutes with a local radio station just so you can tell the host, “Man, Luongo really needs to work on his rebounds.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anyways, I’ve already tuned you out, and I’ve got my own complaints about the game we all love so much.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Banging the Glass Guy. Are you trying to startle the player? Do you think he’s going to look up and comment on your tribal bicep tattoo, and in doing so cough up the puck? Are you the same guy that taunts the lobsters in the tanks down at the local seafood shack? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Are you still mad that you and another guy showed up at the arena in matching flat billed Yankee’s caps set jauntily askew? Are you living off the royalties of your Great Grandfather who was the first guy to honk his horn as a way to meet women?</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Standing Up When the Puck Goes in the Corner Guy” – No one exemplifies the belief that everyone gets their fifteen minutes of fame more than this guy. We’ve all seen him, the puck goes into the corner, with the TV camera following suit. This guy stands up and puts his hands over his head and yells to let you know he’s at the game. There’s an extra bonus if he’s got his cell phone in his hand, because, you know, there’s a group of excited onlookers waiting at home to see Dave on TV. You’re obviously not satisfied with being featured on those Amber Alerts. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Fake Erudite Boyfriend Guy – Now, this is not a friend or a relative of yours because if it were, you could easily put some sodas in a pillowcase and beat him to death when he chose the 2<sup>nd</sup> period to talk about why he doesn’t have cable and how football is a working man’s game and how he chooses to spend his time reading to the blind. No, this guy is always the dick who accompanies one of your wife’s friends and sits on your sofa in his fedora and skinny jeans and will try to convert everyone to veganism. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Drunk by the First Period Guy – Look if anyone supports functional alcoholism and sloppy drunkards, it’s me. I love these guys. I love taking pictures of them passed out in fountains or with a dead hooker a la Senator Geary in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Godfather II</i>. But, I abhor a guy who gets drunk before the game barely starts. This is the guy who will put his arm around you during your team’s opening drive and talk about getting a monkey or wishing he’d finished college or that we should all open a bar together. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knows Too Much About Sports Girl – Sometimes, I want to feel sorry for her like a clown with a tear on his face or a carnie that will never know the embrace of true love. But that quickly fades after she tells me for the 8<sup>th</sup> time how to calculate E.R.A. Look, I’m a traditionalist. I expect my lesbian porn to be between two schoolgirls and or cheerleaders that have been naughty and or sweaty. I respect you as an equal. I think you should be paid equally for doing the same work as I do but you”re quoting statistics and player names sounds exactly like you talking about why you own yet another pair of black pants.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Novelty Jersey Guy – Look, there’s a reason you don’t see any “Hitler’s #1” foam fingers”, they’re in poor taste. The same goes for jerseys with the number “69” or something lewd on the back of them. First off, you’re a grown man, so why are you wearing a jersey anyways? If you’re over the age of 13, and you’re still busting out a jersey to wear to “support the boys…” it’s time to put down the controller, leave your, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Flock of Seagulls</i> cover band and take out the nose ring.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Newly Engaged Guy – Remember what Chief did when McMurphy got lobotomized? Exactly, just don’t’ throw my ceramic nacho sombrero through the window; my wife will have my ass. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Fantasy Hockey Guy – I don’t like this guy for the same reason I am not a fan of drug cartels or mercenaries. Just sit on the couch, watch the game and eat your hot wings. Don’t stand up and fist pump when Jeff Skinner scores a garbage goal with the Hurricanes down by 5, because that means you beat “Rusty Klesla Coils” in the office pool. That’s like cheering when Kennedy was shot, because you really have a thing for pillbox hats.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span>Follow me on Twitter @SteveintheKT. You know what, if you're going to talk about your diet, forget it. </div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-57718427620962969802011-11-15T09:48:00.000-08:002011-11-15T09:48:24.998-08:00NHL Game Night - Pop O' Matic Bubble Included<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zX_SKuoHqYo/TrwNcw21IjI/AAAAAAAAAJg/VUavBaa5YhQ/s1600/zsss.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zX_SKuoHqYo/TrwNcw21IjI/AAAAAAAAAJg/VUavBaa5YhQ/s1600/zsss.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve always been more intrigued about the details. I mean, it’s pretty safe to say that we (the human race, a few enlightened Sleestaks) all expect the same big picture things. Right, we all want peace, an end to poverty, to be with people that are intrinsically good souls. It’s very seldom we’re looking for someone who wants to control the weather or puts the heads of his enemies on pikes outside of his house as a warning to others.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s exactly why you never see Stalin at speed dating. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What’s my point? My point is this: when it’s all said and done, it’s those tiny idiosyncratic ticks that make us who we are for better or worse. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I apply this same idea to my everyday life. It’s impossible for me to sit through, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Star Wars </i>and not wonder why there’s a significant lack of signage around the Death Star. Really, you’ve got a huge bureaucracy living and working on a moon sized satellite, and there’s not one “Karaoke with the Fett” sign-up sheet, or a first aid diagram showing you how to do the Heimlich Maneuver on someone being “forced choked.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I guess that’s why I’m such a fan of party games. I love being able to use all the useless nuggets rattling around in my head for good, (…and access to unlimited spinach dip).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Everyone loves, CLUE or Charades or Jenga. As a matter of fact, the party game business is a multi billion dollar a year industry. And that doesn’t even include the money raked in from settlements in Pictionary related crimes of passion.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So, it’s only natural that as revenues in some markets begin to shrink, the NHL is forced to examine other streams of revenue. According to my sources (Mom) the NHL has entered into an exploratory beta testing stage of NHL themed board games. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Lucky for you, I’ve got some of the mock ups:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">John Tortorella Mad Libs. (Obviously, it’s for mature audiences)</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You Mother_________ can just mind your own God_________ business. This whole game has been a huge pile of horse __________ , and the referees are _________ holes. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don Cherry, Unabomber or Cocoon. – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Each card contains three quotes. Each team has 60 seconds to decide which quote was made by lovable fusspot, Don Cherry, postal system enthusiast, and lover of hoodies, The Unabomber, or the disturbingly erotic, Cocoon. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Leftists tend to hate anything that has an image of being strong, good and successful. They hate white males, they hate rationality, they hate the West because they are strong and successful.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I’m being ripped to shreds by the left-wing Pinko newspapers out there. It’s unbelievable. One guy called me a jerk in a pink suit.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“…you work all your life, you pay taxes, you’re a good citizen, and what do you end up with? A tight rug.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Todd Bertuzzi’s Sorry – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Each player takes a turn giving a tearful apology for something they’ve done. The winner is the one that’s not named in the pending civil suit.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vdNjOJvlGFY/TrwNpxmm4RI/AAAAAAAAAJo/IaIWPa4Ec6I/s1600/must.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-vdNjOJvlGFY/TrwNpxmm4RI/AAAAAAAAAJo/IaIWPa4Ec6I/s1600/must.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">CLUE – NHL Edition</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> – In this reimagining of the popular board game, you take on the persona of one of the<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>characters suspected of killing Mr. Body. Was it Matt Cooke in the TD Garden with the Sharpened Elbow Pad?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or, was it Sean Avery in the Garden with his hurtful words?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Alexi Semin’s Battleship – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You apathetically call out a series of letters and numbers. Not really caring if you hit something or not. To be fair, you don’t even know what the big deal is with Battleship. You know that you’d rather be playing, “Connect 4.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t Blow Your Top – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">In this version of the “fun for all ages” game form the 70’s, each player takes turns guessing what the discipline will be for<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>various cheap shots throughout the league from the last 3 seasons in the NHL. Every time you get one wrong, the tie on Brian Burke’s neck gets looser. Don’t be the one that makes the tie come all the way off, or Brian will “Blow. His. Top! (Brian Burke not included) </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sami Salo’s Operation – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Careful to remove just the right parts (all) of everyone’s favourite Finnish defenseman. Don’t hit the sides, or you’re going to get buzzed. “Careful, Butterfingers!” Also, the box is huge! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Honestly I hope these games really catch on. These are way better than my ideas for NFL themed board games. Well, better than my idea for, “Ray Lewis’ CLUE” where you just go around the board pretending you didn’t see anything. Got it! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me at @SteveintheKT I’m more of a Pop-O-Matic bubble guy, but I’m cool with your dice. </span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-30322412723750950512011-11-11T08:37:00.000-08:002011-11-11T08:37:57.674-08:00What Happened, NHL? We Used to be Cool!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jraDqTQjisQ/TrwRL2v5QMI/AAAAAAAAAKI/Hpj1Eu1BZHg/s1600/untissstled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jraDqTQjisQ/TrwRL2v5QMI/AAAAAAAAAKI/Hpj1Eu1BZHg/s1600/untissstled.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Are you there God? It’s me, Michael.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What happened, NHL? We used to be cool. Where did it all go wrong? Don’t you remember? It’s us, the Canucks; the lovable losers. The roommates who know how to make a bong out of leftover produce and duct tape.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why do you hate us? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Have you already forgotten about all the fun we used to have? We were that heavyset girl with Tina Yother’s nose and crippling Daddy issues.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We’d show up at your place, falsely confident on the back end of a swing through Columbus and from huffing ether. You’d hang five or six on us, make fun of our jerseys, and kick us out before an actual contender came to town. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And for awhile, we were happy with the “arrangement” we had. I’m not trying to burden you, I’m not. It’s just that in those days, I was rebelling against something. I’m just not sure what it was?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, everyone’s different right, NHL?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We all have our self destructive streaks. Some people get liquored up on Bartles and Jaymes and join an autoerotic asphyxiation chat room, while others trade for Robert Nordmark or draft Libor Polacek.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I guess I just wanted more. I was tired of being the laughing stock of your league. And that’s saying a lot. I mean, Barry Melrose, really? It’s like Richard Marx’s hair had a murder suicide pact with David Byrne’s suits. And, I’m still not sure the rash that glowing puck gave me has cleared up. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I guess, what I’m trying to say is, I don’t know when it all changed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This morning, I Googled “Most Hated Team in the Universe” and the Canucks were at the top of that list. (Actually, I Googled, “Most Hated Miss Teen Universe” first, and now, I’m on some kind of “watch list” but I’m not blaming you for that.”)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s not my fault we finally started putting it together. Draft picks starting to develop; free agent signings that made sense. Hey! We won’t be the pushovers that we once were, and we deserve to go from Talia Shire in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rocky </i>to Talia Shire in <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Rocky IV.</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m not going to apologize for that. We’ve earned the right to be happy. And if it means being the most hated team in the NHL to do it, well, I guess we’ll live with that too. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You know what NHL? You’re just jealous! Don’t think I haven’t noticed the passive aggressive attacks on us. The phantom calls, the unbalanced travel schedule, the “It’s complicated” under “relationship” on Facebook.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh, and can you tell Mark Spector to stop calling us in the middle of the night and hanging up. We have call display. Thanks.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Yeah, sure we’re not perfect. I mean, yeah, maybe we “embellish” a little bit. OK, sure, we dive; a lot. I mean. A LOT! Seriously, you’ve seen us, right? I mean we go down faster than Veruca Salt after a year in Juvie. But, I just like to think that’s part of our charm; like finding a quaint Bed and Breakfast in Amish country with a working butter churn, or a cocktail waitress without aspirations to strip. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And Yes, I will be the first to admit that our fans can be hypersensitive and prone to blatant acts of stupidity, but in their defense, those garbage cans and windows had it coming. “Stupid windows, thinking they’re so great with they’re smooth edges…”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I will put our fan’s passion up against any other city’s fans in the entire league any day of the week. Except for Monday through Friday, because we’ve got a thing at the office, and then my boss has tickets and we get to the rink late, and I‘m in my suit, and we have to talk about the Greek economic crisis with these clients from Macau, but seriously… Any! Other! Day! Of! The! Week! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Canuck’s fans are there to support the team no matter what the outcome. Sometimes, we’ll look up from our iphones 6-7 times a night when #22 passes to that other guy. You know, the guy? The guy!? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Oh, and I love how the rest of the league seems to call our players dirty. Maybe you haven’t heard but Matt Cooke plays for Pittsburgh. Oh, he was a Canuck? Really? When? OK, well what about that “jerk,” Raffi Torres? Oh, Canuck too… Wow! Uhmm, OK, so we’ve had some players that play the game on the edge. You can’t win without those types of guys. And if it means, you’ve got to hit a guy and refuse to fight, or bite a guy in a scrum, or complain to an official to do it. Well guess what, NHL? We’re not afraid to take on those challenges.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look, maybe we deserve some of the hate. After all, we’re one of the best teams in the league and being hated is a sign of respect. A badge of honour that says, “Hey, we’ve arrived…” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So, you know what, NHL? You can hate us. You can write about our whiny fans, and diving players, and our goalie’s bipolar playing style all you want. Because remember this. Our name is on the Stanley Cup and yours isn’t… “What? Really? Ah, come on! When did that happen?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Uhmm, so you know what, NHL? You can hate us. You can write about our whiny fans and diving players and our goalie’s bipolar playing style all you want. Because remember this, NHL.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Our name is on all those divisional banners hanging from the rafters. So, uhh, yeah, at least we got that going for us. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>Follow me on Twitter @SteveintheKT. I like the beginning of things.steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-33059205415198638752011-11-11T08:34:00.000-08:002011-11-11T08:34:23.803-08:00Canucks - Where Are They Now? Dan Cloutier, A Beach Ball & History<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-asmpLuRLKg0/TrwKm46CGEI/AAAAAAAAAJI/wCX0EWiuVOQ/s1600/clouts1.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-asmpLuRLKg0/TrwKm46CGEI/AAAAAAAAAJI/wCX0EWiuVOQ/s1600/clouts1.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Like most of you, I have no aptitude for mathematics or the sciences. However, I am a lover of the brown liquors and I do a passable imitation of Ted Kennedy. And not that post Chappaquiddick, Kennedy either. It’s all chow-dah. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Today at, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Kneel Before Rod</i>, we’re going to begin the first in a semi, bi monthly, weekly segment in which we highlight one of the Canucks of yesteryear and see what they’ve been up to since they wore the giant whale…. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The year was 2002. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Vancouver was awash in, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">My Big Fat Greek Wedding” </i>fever and Avril Lavigne’s song, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Complicated </i>became the anthem for urban youths ready to rebel against the status quo with clip on nose rings and black Chuck Taylors. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">On the local sports scene, our boys in the blue and green had taken a 2-0 game lead in their first round playoff with the much favoured, Detroit Red Wings. Optimism was high as the Canucks skated onto home ice poised to take a stranglehold on the series. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The game started on equal footing, but at the 24.6 second mark of period two, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y524oYnSuqQ">Nicklas Lidstrom took an innocent slap shot from centre ice</a> which sailed over the impotent catching hand of Dan Cloutier and into the Canuck’s net. The Wings won the game, but more importantly, they had taken back the series. The Red Wings went on to win the next 4 straight games, dispatching the Canucks from the post season. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It wasn’t long before pictures of Dan Cloutier showed up on the internet with a kaleidoscopic beach ball getting by him and into the net. Cloutier? Well, he went on to play in the NHL for a few more years, but he was never the same. More importantly, what happened to the beach ball?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I had a chance to catch up with, Pierre LaPlage during a layover in Houston. The following is an excerpt from his <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">New York Times</i> bestseller, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Red, White, Blue, Yellow and Green Like Me – My Life and Times as a Beachball</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“People say that the two best things about Paradise Waves, Florida is the day you leave.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A working class suburb of Orlando, Paradise Waves is best known for making the personalized license plates found at theme park gift shops all over the U.S.” </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was here that, I spent my childhood years. The son of Polish immigrants, I always had a flair for the arts. While other kids were emulating the running style of the local High School quarterback, I spent my days floating in the family pool reading, Proust.”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Pierre, it’s good to see you again. Catch us up a bit. What have you been doing since the 2002 season?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Thanks, Steve. Well, currently, I’m on the last leg of touring with a, Spin Doctors tribute band. You know, I get up late, do some hot yoga, play 18 holes, and then I’m batted around by the crowd for a few hours. I can’t complain, I’m really enjoying the second half of my life.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Is that your forte, Pierre? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: No, this is more of a lark.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was actually classically trained on the English stage. I studied under Olivier and was quite content doing, Hamlet or Ibsen 6 nights a week. Very, very terse material </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: That’s such a departure from the Pierre we knew back in 2002. How on earth did you come to be associated with the Canucks? </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qB13SL0mvrw/TrwJ6hV2MTI/AAAAAAAAAI4/iLZS6WikrgU/s1600/wilson.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-qB13SL0mvrw/TrwJ6hV2MTI/AAAAAAAAAI4/iLZS6WikrgU/s1600/wilson.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Ha, you know, like most things, it was pure happenstance; complete serendipity.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I was in Vancouver for a good friend’s son’s Bar Mitzvah. Do you remember the movie, Victory? Well he was the soccer ball that Pele bicycle kicked into the net during the film’s climax. I was actually in the film, but my scene got cut out. The Director’s idea for a pool party didn’t’ flow with the continuity of a POW camp.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anyways, that’s how we met, and we’ve been lifelong friends ever since.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I was in Vancouver, and I was just exploring the city, you know, letting the wind roll me wherever I needed to go, and a rather sudden gust picked up under me and I was blown into a yard where I proceeded to get stuck in a tree. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Well, I must have been there for hours. Luckily, a couple of kids got me down with a stick, wiped me down with a damp rag and brought me inside. I thanked the kids and prepared to be on my way, but the Mom, a lovely woman, mind you, recognized me from a production of, Godspell, I had done years ago. She asked if I had ever modeled. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Now, I hadn’t heard that question in ages. I mean, I had done some rather tasteful nudes back in the 70’s and there was an especially progressive shoot I had done for, Toys R US, but this wasn’t certainly a vocation, you understand.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, it turns out her husband was a disgruntled Canuck’s fan and had need for a beach ball. And the rest, as they say is l’histoire. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> Ha, fascinating. So, it was all done spur of the moment, no rehearsing, no premeditation?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Oh God, no! We did it one shoot and I was eating Kosher brisket one hour later. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Did you know at the time what you were doing? Were you thinking, “Wow, I’m making history here.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Not at all. It was a favour for some people that were more than kind to a wayward beach ball. I had no idea what it even meant until months later when I was on the road touring with a off Broadway production of CATS.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: When did you find out?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">: Well, I was in Toronto, and me and some of the other cast members were unwinding at a local Pub and we were just chatting in a booth when these free drinks kept arriving at the table. Now, I’m all too familiar with the largesse of my fans. To this day, I make a healthy living at Comic-Con taking pictures and what not as the original ball that Elliot rolls into the garage in E.T. Ha, during my thinner days. Well. So the drinks kept coming, and finally some beautiful lass approached the table and asks me to sign her picture; and there it was.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would have taken her back home, had I not done a dinner theatre production of, The Crucible with one of her implants. We’d been an item back in the, Studio 54 days, so no love lost there. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre quit the theatre, found a local agent and began touring Canada, as “the ball.” Pierre was enjoying his new found celebrity as mentioned in this excerpt from his book:</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">As soon as we touched down in a new city, it was a non-stop party. My assistant was responsible for pouring 25 year old Scotch in my blow hole and she never disappointed. One morning in Winnipeg, I woke up with two women, some tennis balls we’d met the night before and a bocce ball there on a student visa. I didn’t even know their names. There I was, living every guy’s fantasy, and I couldn’t even remember it…</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Unfortunately, for Pierre, soon other Photoshopped images and internet clips would begin to surface, and like so many that experience the pinnacles of fame, he was about to feel the fall to the bottom.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre, when did you know it was starting to get away from you, when was the ride beginning to slow down?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was the fall of 2004 and I was sitting in my apartment, I had just gotten a call from my agent, I’d been bumped from the centre square on Hollywood Squares, because of a .gif of Ken Hitchcock morphing into Mayor McCheese. I just couldn’t compete with that. I knew then, that things were beginning to unravel. People began to call me a “one hit wonder” and I was replaced on the touring circuit by the fireball that was made to look like it was coming out of John Tortorella’s mouth.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">With his fame waning, his earnings all but depleted, Pierre decided to grasp for the brass ring once more, and tried to insert himself into the glove of Moises Alou during the NLCS series best known for the Steve Bartman incident. It was a colossal failure. Pierre was now broke, unemployable and even worse, had become hooked on purified air in order to keep him inflated.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There was a failed mismatched roommate sitcom with the baseball that went through Bill Buckner’s legs that didn’t get picked up, and a severely panned country western album. In this excerpt from his book Pierre has sunken to rock bottom. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It was after playing the part of the volley ball in the gay porn version of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Top Gun:</i> volleyball scene that a broken, Pierre’s life took a dark, twisted turn.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“… as I was getting dressed, I caught myself in the hotel mirror. I was a phantom of my former self. The purified air had drawn out my colurs, and my once deep voice, was mow a hiss. I had it all, I was a God among backyard playthings, and now here I was turning tricks in a seedy hotel room in Miami. I felt so dirty, so violated, my mouth hole was chapped and bleeding. I needed help. I needed a release. I tried several times. The wind just blew me off the bridge and even my attempts at deflating had gone for not. I needed help…. I needed help….”</span></i></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sJLQglcPnAw/TrwKCKZOhUI/AAAAAAAAAJA/IXNDLuXkKwo/s1600/deflate.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-sJLQglcPnAw/TrwKCKZOhUI/AAAAAAAAAJA/IXNDLuXkKwo/s1600/deflate.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And help did come. Years earlier, Pierre had met Wilson, the Volleyball during an appearance on, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Tonight Show</i>. They’d hit it off, and kept in contact over the years. During a chance meeting at an airport in Cleveland, the two good friends became reacquainted and have been inseparable ever since. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Today, you’re happily committed to Wilson, you’re clean and sober, you’ve got a successful career, and you’re about to become a father for the first time. Would you change anything? Any regrets?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You know, Steve. I’d like to say, I do have regrets, but everything happens for a reason, and I wouldn’t be the person I am without going through all the trials I did. I’m happy. I’m happy.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pierre LaPlage’s book “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Red, White, Blue, Yellow and Green Like Me – My Life and Times as a Beachball </i>is on sale currently…<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You can follow me on Twitter @SteveintheKT . Look for my exciting one on one with the banana that got thrown at Wayne Simmonds. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-26070408760434221042011-11-11T08:30:00.000-08:002011-11-11T08:30:46.002-08:00How the World Has Changed Since Sidney Crosby Has Been Gone<div class="separator" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g37l85MFw5g/TrwObePszkI/AAAAAAAAAJw/HPZiXOVd9W8/s1600/cro.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-g37l85MFw5g/TrwObePszkI/AAAAAAAAAJw/HPZiXOVd9W8/s1600/cro.jpg" /></a></div><div style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none;"> <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve mentioned before that I’m a huge fan of movies. I’m willing to always suspend my disbelief providing it can be presented in a way that seems actually plausible. But even I can’t buy into the fact that there’s not one piece of comfortable furniture in, Superman’s “Fortress of Solitude.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I mean this is an entire planet that perfected interstellar travel, and they’ve never heard of a futon?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’d think someone would have said, “Hey, you know, before we bust out the whole spinning hula hoop prison and the rocket that looks a Vegas hooker’s earring, maybe you can take a look at this thing I’m working on. I call it a couch.’</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">No wonder, Zod wants to take over the earth. Wouldn’t’ you want to enslave a people that were responsible for the recliner or bean bag chair? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’d have fond the plot to <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Superman</i> way more believable had he gotten so pissed about putting together a book case from IKEA, he flew around the world, thus going back in time, just so he can order something from Pottery Barn.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What’s my point? My point, Clark, is this…. Sometimes, it’s the simple things that matter. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sidney Crosby is inching ever so close to returning, and it might even be this week.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As excited as I am, I’m also very concerned. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If movies about thawing out dudes found trapped in ice (Captain America, Encino Man, that weird spider thing from, <em>The Thing) </em>have taught me anything,<em> </em>it’s that you have to go slowly and keep it simple.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AlB9njZmuWs/TrwOdssyr0I/AAAAAAAAAJ4/GOauGoqpbNE/s1600/frozen.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AlB9njZmuWs/TrwOdssyr0I/AAAAAAAAAJ4/GOauGoqpbNE/s1600/frozen.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sid’s been gone for awhile (…no word on whether he shines shoes anymore or not) and the NHL is a whole new game. Let’s ease him in shortly like we would if he was encased in ice. Here’s what scientists did for the “iceman” found in Europe several years ago, and heres what we should do for Sid. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Scientists spend days trying to convince him about wondrous “flying machines” and “doors that open as if by magic.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Chris Kunitz spends hours trying to convince Sid that the Leafs are leading the Northeast Diviosn.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Communicating with a crude series of grunts and hand gestures makes his assimilation into the new world difficult.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Becomes frustrated after asking Kevin Weeks to repeat himself for the 3<sup>rd</sup> time in the media scrum.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Paints a series of pictures on his cave wall depicting a stark existence in a frozen wasteland fleeing from feral beasts.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Just got his itinerary for his first game in Winnipeg. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">His body is not accustomed to the various bacteria and microbes that did not exist during his time and could become very ill, and even possibly die.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Has told James Neale to stop flossing in the sauna for about the hundredth time.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Becomes frightened and agitated at the loud, jarring noises that permeate our new world.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Looking forward to playing in Columbus.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wears the skins and furs of animals to keep from freezing to death in the harsh climes of his world.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Goes out of his way to avoid a welcome back hug from Max Talbot.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Describes to scientists, his tribe’s strategy for hunting animals that have attacked their village.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Circles his first meeting with David Steckel on the calendar.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Exhibits extreme confusion and attempts to destroy the images, when he’s shown TV for the first time. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Fast forwards, through the NHL on NBC’s studio show after Mike Milbury calls Shane Doan a pussy</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Paleontologists flown in to lure him out of his cave with fruits, meat and other delicacies so they can study him to learn about the origins of our species.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Worried about getting hit in the head with an errant cup, during the Islanders, nickel beer night.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He’s constantly on alert, ever cautious, watching for giant, savage animals on the prowl for food.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Coaches remind him that Jordan Staal’s still not familiar with using a towel in the locker room. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Iceman – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Theology experts brought in to try and explain why he is praying to a large rock, devoid of emotion, substance and thought.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Crosby – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Trainers remind Sid that he moved out of Mario Lemieux’s house a few years ago. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>Follow me on Twitter @steveintheKT. I've been linked to 2 of the 3 Teen Angels<br />
<img height="51" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-AlB9njZmuWs/TrwOdssyr0I/AAAAAAAAAJ4/GOauGoqpbNE/s1600/frozen.bmp" style="filter: alpha(opacity=30); left: 346px; mozopacity: 0.3; opacity: 0.3; position: absolute; top: 97px; visibility: hidden;" width="96" />steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-8932975916297044972011-11-11T08:26:00.000-08:002011-11-11T08:26:07.797-08:00Sure Bob Cole Has A Good Beat, But He's Hard to Dance To<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PQyLaA-IGIE/TrwLRXbcXFI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/QvaytDTUzbQ/s1600/bob.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-PQyLaA-IGIE/TrwLRXbcXFI/AAAAAAAAAJQ/QvaytDTUzbQ/s1600/bob.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m not exactly what you call a “music guy.” As a matter of fact, my I-Tunes account is nothing but podcasts and songs I’ve downloaded for the kiddo’s, “I-Touch”. Seriously, if I put one more song on there by the Jonas Brothers, I’m going to have to invoke Meaghan’s Law on it. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here are three things I just don’t get about music…</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bjork. It’s like one of those weird Japanese game shows had a baby with Meg Tilly and set it to music. I don’t want to listen to anyone whose name sounds like something you’d find at IKEA.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Singing shows. I am apparently the only person in the world that doesn’t’ have aspirations to sing. And even if I did, I’d win hands down. You know why? I’d have a hook. Who cares if you can sing, you’ve got to have a good back story that keeps people interested. “Yeah, I know, I butchered that high note, but I’m only here because it was my dying Grandmother’s wish before she left for Iraq. Oh and she raised me, and she has ADHD.” Winner! </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Tom Petty – When Steve Buscemi’s wife fantasizes, she closes here eyes and thinks of Tom Petty.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">In closing, get off my damn lawn! Enjoy this week’s, “Fun with Audio” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
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</div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-48574061404800780102011-11-11T08:23:00.000-08:002011-11-11T08:23:35.496-08:00Princess Pat and the Ric-A-Dam-Doo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jjYrNduIics/TrwMj9GifHI/AAAAAAAAAJY/HgQb-8WjFL8/s1600/ppcli.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-jjYrNduIics/TrwMj9GifHI/AAAAAAAAAJY/HgQb-8WjFL8/s1600/ppcli.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When my brother enlisted in the Canadian Armed Forces back in 1983, I remember my Mum was against it. She knew things had been tough for Dave. We were aware that he had a learning disability, and that the prospects for college, something my parents wanted for all of us, was not in his future. But being a career military man was definitely something she did not want.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">My Dad had gotten Dave a couple of jobs, but none of them with the promise of rising above their blue collar yoke. Instead, Dave chose the military. “…serve my time. Get my pension.” was what he told my Mum to assuage the doubts and pangs of guilt she’d been feeling. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I still remember the solemn, wordless ride to the airport, and the quick, almost ethereal way he seemed to vanish through the security gate. It was the first time I’d ever seen my Dad cry. For a 13 year old boy, whose every idea of what it took to be a man, it was humbling. I had no idea just how much he loved us. I guess we never do. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dave did well in the military. He quickly rose to Master Corporal and became one of the highest ranking flight technicians in the Canadian Armed Forces. More importantly, he was excelling. The specter of any learning disability had evaporated with every award and achievement he added to his collection. He was excellent at his job, and was flown all over the world to do it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">David was eventually sent to Sarajevo as part of the United Nations peacekeeping contingent during the hostilities there in the early 90’s. When he came back to Canada, back to Mum and Dad, he was different. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">He spent more time alone, more time away from friends. Drinking more than he should have, getting into a rage one moment, a melancholic stupor the next. People are always so quick to label those that come back from serving their country with clinical assertions like, “Post Traumatic Stress Disorder” without ever really sitting down with them, talking to them and finding out what’s really wrong. We knew he was different, we just didn't know why.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The only thing I did know, was that something had stolen David from us, and replaced him with this hollow changeling. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">David and I were never the best of friends. We were brothers, but a falling out years ago had made reunions between us silent incarcerations, rather than joyous homecomings. I don’t think you could have imagined two more different people in the world then David and I. As mechanically gifted as Dave was, as adventurous as he was, I was bookish and immensely gifted at only calling for estimates. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">October 7, 2007, the week before Dad’s birthday, David was making the drive to Kelowna on a motor bike he considered his pride and joy. We don’t know his mood at the time or how fast he was going, but we do know that he hit something on the road, and crashed his bike into a light stanchion. His heart stopped immediately. David Peter Shalagan 1964-2007 </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Watching <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>my Mum and Dad saying goodbye to a son before their time is one of the most haunting images of my life. I have a picture of my Mum in her understated black garb, only causing the paleness of her English color to be amplified. What made it harder, I guess if that’s even possible, was that Mum and Dad couldn’t have kids, so they adopted David. (I came along later. I referred to myself as “The Miracle Child” I was also beaten into submission every day with a Fisher Price helicopter until I was 10). He was their first, their joy of joys. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I was in Houston the day David died. The phone call came at 6:23 AM, and my Dad’s quivering voice was all I needed to hear to know that something horrific had happened. After we hung up, I sat in my office at the house for hours, not really even aware of what had happened. </span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">David was the biggest hockey fan I knew. He played in the local house league when we were kids, and no matter what was going on in our lives. Hockey was always a common ground for us. It seemed like those quiet car rides to the rink, or hot chocolates from the snack bar brought us together moreso than anything else did. </span></div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Like most men, sports were a bridge for us, a way to channel our feelings without having to actually talk about feelings. David and I had always been huge Canuck’s fans. We fell and rose with each game. Hell, sometimes it went from shot to shot. Even when he moved to Oiler or Jet country, he still kept his love of the boys in blue and green alive.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And like every other part of our muddled relationship, we argued over the Canucks too. “Why is Garth Snow in the net?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“The Keenan Era will be a glorious time for Canuck’s fans.” were some of our more celebrated arguments. It never seemed to matter what the situation was, we were just predestined to be on opposite ends of it. I miss that. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Today, we’ll wear our poppies, Today, we’ll hear “In Flanders Field”, and mourn those who paid the terrible price for our freedoms, but there’s so much more we can do for the men and women who have sworn to watch over us, to protect us. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">For those that have chosen this life, the least we can do is pay them back.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Here are some links to hockey related charities throughout North America: that support our military.</span><br />
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<a href="http://www.defendingtheblueline.com/"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">www.defendingtheblueline.com</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> – An organization that provides hockey equipment, coaching, clinics, etc.., for the children of military personnel. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://www.nhlpa.com/"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">www.nhlpa.com</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> – The National Hockey League Players’ Association has a strong commitment to helping the military community.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://www.nhl.com/"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">www.nhl.com</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> – The NHL is devoted to helping and celebrating the men and women of the Armed Forces.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-75945595211521640052011-11-05T14:58:00.000-07:002011-11-05T14:58:16.337-07:00Don't Panic. Now is the Time to Panic!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ksO2qb3HMxc/TrWxQCterKI/AAAAAAAAAIo/lusVBaqc1us/s1600/untitledddddd.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-ksO2qb3HMxc/TrWxQCterKI/AAAAAAAAAIo/lusVBaqc1us/s1600/untitledddddd.png" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Irving Berlin was famous for telling young, ambitious songwriters to “…write what you know.” I hope this isn’t true because I don’t think the world’s ready for an erotic thriller adapted from old, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Gentle Ben </i>episodes. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Here are three of my other ideas that didn’t exactly bear fruit: <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Snackster </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">– Hot on the heels of Napster, my idea was to make use of all those unused condiments in the door of your refrigerator by letting users “share” them. Right? I mean we’ve all bought a jar of mango chutney because we wanted to see the hot girl from, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Top Chef </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>in her bra. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Users could trade condiments back and forth all the while providing me with a small fee for locating them. The result? It barely got to the Beta stage, it seems room temperature tartar sauce and bubble wrap combine into something the CDC is calling Hepatitis J.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Clapster</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> – OK, yes, it’s true, I have a thing for putting “-ster” on the end of things. Honestly, I think it takes something rather common, and classes it up a bit; like polishing an old lamp or Paris Hilton’s vagina. My idea was a simple but timely one: I would contract with various daytime talk shows, town hall meetings, infomercials, executions, etc… and supply them with studio audience members. The pricing was very easy:<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<ul type="disc"><li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">$50 for a standard audience member<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">$100 for an “intense listener”<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">$250 for a vigorous head nodder.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">$500 for someone to ask a question that makes the audience clap emphatically.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">$750 for a concerned housewife to interrupt the speaker with a “What about the children!” blast.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
<li class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">$1000 for someone willing to be tased and or removed by security.<o:p></o:p></span></li>
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<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 38.25pt; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo2; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Common Sensinator 2000</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"> – Perhaps my greatest and most unfulfilled idea. High profile clients would pay handsomely to keep me on a 24 hour, 7 day a week retainer. I had one job and one job only. Anytime said person is about to put a shark tank in their home, grow a creepy beard, meet up with a stripper behind a Taco Bell or star in a reimagining of <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Annie </i>with robot orphans, they’d look over at me and I’d just shake my head. Problem solved.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What’s my point? My point is this… Sometimes the heart of an idea gets lost in the details. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">The Canucks have gotten off to a rather tepid start and the hockey loving public in Vancouver is not taking it well. Check out the message boards on online forums, turn on the radio or just approach, Gina in Accounting, and you’ll soon learn there’s a dark blue and green cloud hanging over the city.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">But is this just the usual panic of a fan base known for making something like a slow start and some defensive setbacks into the equivalent of “Jonestown” on ice? (…and yes, it’s a musical.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I’ve decided to gauge the temperature of the typical Canuck’s fan, and see if they really are as hysterical as the rest of the NHL makes them out to be.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I’ve put together a random sampling of everyday situations. Some are innocuous, some inflammatory, and some are even just plain old silly. Armed with the hypothetical situations, I took to the local malls and asked typical Vancouverites their reactions to said stories. I then asked those Vancouverites wearing Canuck’s gear their responses to the same situations. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Here are the results….<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Q</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">. You’ve locked your keys in the car. What would you do?<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Canuck’s Fan: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">“What? My keys!!! IN the CAR!! SOMEONE HELP ME TIP THIS DAMN THING OVER AND LIGH IT ON FIRE!!! THEY’RE MY KEYS!!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Q.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Your son or daughter has been an exemplary student for years. She recently brought home a C+ on a paper. What would you do?<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Typical Person: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Tell her to maybe study harder, but a C+ is nothing to really worry about. It’s still well above normal, and she’ll correct it next time around.<o:p></o:p></span></div><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"></span></b><br />
<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Canuck’s Fan: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">After the rigorous series of paternity tests were done, I’d put a wadded up pile of bills in her hand, give her a hunk of jerky, and send her on her way. If you want to be a Peterson, you know it’s all about, “…what have you done for me lately?”<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Typical Person: “</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I would explain the error to the Waiter, and ask to have it replaced. I would hope the Manager would buy us dessert or perhaps a gift card or something.”<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p> </o:p></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Canuck’s Fan: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I’d call the Waiter over and point out the mistake. By “point out” I mean launch it across the table and then try and choke him out. I’d get the Manager involved, and declare a Jihad on the kitchen staff. I don’t need your free “Chocolate Lava Cake!!” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And the next time I show up at that restaurant, that Waiter better be gone!!!<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Q: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">You’re at a reception for one of your children’s school activities. Someone at your table disagrees with your opinion. What do you do?<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Typical Person: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">While I believe strongly in my convictions, I understand that people have differing opinions. I wouldn’t let it bother me.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Canuck’s Fan: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Obviously this guy’s a dick! I’d probably write him a letter or call him later or go online and make sure everyone knew what an idiot he is, because he had an opinion that’s different than mine. Oh, let me guess, he’s probably from Toronto. Yeah, big shot, elitist jerk.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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</div><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Typical Person: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">I think they’re sad, horrible organizations that pray on the disturbed and disenfranchised.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Canuck’s Fan: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Is this almost done, I have to pick up my game worn, Peter Nordmark jersey and get to the big tweet up!<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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</div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Follow me on Twitter @SteveintheKT. I feel your pain. I do!!!!<o:p></o:p></span>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-14420292602217788612011-11-02T13:46:00.000-07:002011-11-02T13:46:05.127-07:00The Celebrity Name for Kardashian & Canuck Breaks 13 Obscenity Laws<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RuJAN5LdBac/TrBZXnALt5I/AAAAAAAAAIg/88enA33XqYQ/s1600/untssitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-RuJAN5LdBac/TrBZXnALt5I/AAAAAAAAAIg/88enA33XqYQ/s1600/untssitled.bmp" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look, it’s early, I know that, but I’m just going to say what we’re all thinking at that time of year; Valentine’s Day is a scam!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sure, I’m not exactly what you call a “romantic”, I mean, haven’t we all been escorted out of “Build A Bear” for recording selections from, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Mu8fxPwLkU"><i>9 1/2 Weeks </i></a>to stuff into a unicorn. No just me? Probably, just me?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I just don’t get it, why do we set aside just one day to profess our love for the person / Lindsay Wagner cutout we’re with. Why do we put ourselves through the agony of pretending to listen about young pinots, or listening to jazz, just in the hope that tonight’s the night she’ll let you call out <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wTRJYSWYHiI">Jill Whelan’s </a>name in bed</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Hey, guess what? Cassanova didn’t have to worry about the prix fixe menu or man-scaping, and you know what? I’m not either. I’m out, <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kpgJzlY9y8A">Sherman</a>. I’m out. I’m done with this thing called love.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You can catch me stenciling <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sylvia_plath">Sylvia Plath </a>quotes onto conversation hearts.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Yep, it’s all different from here on out. You won’t find me reading from <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sonnet_18">Sonnet 18 </a>today. I’m going with Sonnet 11A – That’s a list of Shakespeare’s nicknames for boobs: <em>Capules, Rosencrantz & Guildenstern, etc…</em></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">There’ll be no cute treasure maps tucked into your purse leading you to a romantic picnic lunch; instead mine will lead you to the shallow graves of rough sex workers or missing interns.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You can forget rose petals strewn across the bed and backlit by jasmine scented candles. Nope, the only concern I’ll show will be the whipped soy butter substitute I’ll lean the copy of “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Last_tango_in_paris"><i>Last Tango in Paris</i></a><em>” </em>against.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m not calling to whisper sweet nothings in your ear, rather to ask for bail after being arrested at a Godiva’s after an altercation over their refusal to inject ether into the truffles.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Do I have a point? Yes, yes I have a point! And my point is this: It’s all about how you see the world. Some people think an open window is an invitation to engage in witty banter with <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tW8thZPdt18">Vinnie Delpino</a>, whereas I see it as the springboard to go from creepy anonymous drifter to trade marking the term, “<a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Mark_Karr">John Mark Karr-iffic</a>.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look, I get it, there’s a </span><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">nothing a guy won’t do to seem more attractive/interesting to a woman. And let’s face it, crying during Ryan Gosling movies and a tribal tattoo just ain’t cutting it anymore. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">I’m just going to tell it like it is gals. <span style="color: #2a2a2a;">You’re smarter than us; plain and simple. As a matter of fact, we may not even crack the top three species, let alone being in the top two genders. I’m pretty sure there’s a waterskiing squirrel or a chicken that plays tic-tac-toe at a state fair out there that has a little something to say about that.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Case in point, last week, a guy in Ohio killed himself and released his menagerie of wild animals loose on the public. I'm willing to bet that when it's all said and done, at the root of his problems was a <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Josh Groban </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>album playing, and a love unrequited. I just don’t get it. I mean, what's the fascination we have with trying to domesticate wild animals? </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Sure, a lot of people see Diane Fossey living with gorillas, and they think “grand sociological experiment,” but let's call it what it really is, the ultimate Furrie fetish. What she accomplished with years of smearing herself with gorilla feces and beating her chest, I knocked out in a weekend with Craigslist and some Mexican vicodin.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Look, we get it, wild animals are majestic, chimeran, beasts that we long to understand, but unless you can use them as slot machines or vacuum cleaners like in, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Flintstones</i> let's just let them be. I'm sure every white tiger and silverback gorilla's dream is to be ogled by some guy and his yard long margarita at the Bellagio.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You know who's to blame for all this, don't you, don't you? Stringent animal rights laws. If Marlin Perkins had been allowed to trap and tag surly waitresses and hookers like he wanted, then none of this would have ever happened.</span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Anyways, athlete sexing enthusiast Kim Kardashian is back on the free market and the Canucks should use the remainder of the salary cap to jump all over her. Uhhm, figuratively. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If Kim Kardashian was a Canuck: </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">We’d instantly have a player who has experience with several rings.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Staph outbreak in the locker room would be the least infectious thing for the Canucks to worry about. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Pucks going in the nets off of back end deflections would be a thing of the past.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Khloe<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>= Semenko</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Team unity at an all time high. Kesler no longer feels awkward being the only one who waxes.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Luongo no longer blamed for clogging the drain with hair in the shower.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">HBO’s 24/7 series picks Vancouver for their next installment. It will be shot entirely in night vision.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bulky shoulder pads blamed for concussions to be replaced by sleek, stylish looks ready for brunch or the beach.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Instead of playing a song when a goal’s scored they go right to body shots.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Power play percentages soar when Sean Avery is penalized 8 times for delay of game as he tries to exchange moisturizing tips with her.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Alain Vigneault catches himself midway before he tells her to ride the bench. You just never know how that’s going to play itself out.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anson Carter asks for, waits, demands a professional tryout contract! </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Luongo’s focus improves as Kardashina takes every interview, media request, photo shoot, for herself.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Closed door meeting after she keeps referring to Henrik and Daniel as Khloe and Khourtenay. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Canucks are the only team in the league with a category for “picking the right shoes” for the skills competition.” </span></div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Equipment moved out for new Canuck’s VIP Room. Ballard and Hodgson not on the list.</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me on Twitter @steveinthekt. I’m an Autumn</span></div><br />
<div class="MsoListParagraph" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"> </div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-24063959223405183892011-11-02T12:21:00.000-07:002011-11-02T12:24:05.172-07:00Fun with Audio 2 - Don Cherry, Glen Ross<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So, my Dad called me last night and wanted to know why Don Cherry hates these cans. It took me a while to figure it out, but I think my Dad wanted to know why Don Cherry hates the Canucks. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/90zDbviq7FQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">If you missed it, hockey and French whorehouse upholstery enthusiast, Don Cherry let everyone know just what the Canuck’s deal is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> (5:00 mark)</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Canucks, and especially Ryan Kesler were <a href="http://sports.yahoo.com/nhl/news?slug=vansun-ca-5634984">unfazed by Cherry’s criticism</a> which can only mean he’s about to take it one step further (louder).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It seems for this week’s, Coach’s Corner, Cherry’s added a wrinkle to his schtick. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XdbJIbp0wpE/TrAgdYfjo0I/AAAAAAAAAHg/xNvH6l6l1SA/s1600/mail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-XdbJIbp0wpE/TrAgdYfjo0I/AAAAAAAAAHg/xNvH6l6l1SA/s1600/mail.jpg" /></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">According to an inside source, he’s (Cherry) gotten <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y-AXTx4PcKI">legendary scribe David Mamet</a> to write a response to Kesler and the Canucks. Luckily, I know one of the guys from Industrial Light and Magic who works one of the remotes for Ron MacLean’s face. I think he’s the “intense stare” guy. </span></div></div><div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Anyways, I’ve gotten an advance copy. I just hope it’s not incendiary or anything</span><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/kMMfCKSG594?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/apSjdjxhUkQ?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
Again, Big thanks to my friend @mackarelsoda for the impressions. He's a great follow! </div></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-34931405955104162772011-11-02T09:41:00.000-07:002011-11-02T09:41:25.943-07:00Are You a Fan or Super Fan? Take Our Hottest Quiz Ever! (And Yes I'm Reading Cosmo)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q85tLcqB2KQ/TrAqqatF6EI/AAAAAAAAAIA/EjQSy_Dx87Y/s1600/imagesCAJ87M0C.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-q85tLcqB2KQ/TrAqqatF6EI/AAAAAAAAAIA/EjQSy_Dx87Y/s1600/imagesCAJ87M0C.jpg" /></a></div>Here are my top 3 “K-level” celebrities.<br />
<ol type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4g_gnB4mbn0">The Streaker </a>– I’m not a prude, but when did a naked guy running through a public event become funny? Has something happened to male genitalia in the last 15 years that I don’t know about? Hats? Bird calls? I just don’t’ get it? I mean, unless you’re a eunuch or KD Lang, it’s not like we haven’t seen a wang, If you really want to stand out, take it to the next level. Do it during the <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Gog4RR41sV4">Running of the Bulls </a>or at a Wal Mart when the new Styx album goes on sale.</span></li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><br />
</div><ol start="2" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Jukebox Jim Jones – I’m not going to lie, I like booze. I like poorly lit establishments with soft chairs and waitresses that look like Elisabeth Shue serve said booze. What I don’t like is you, Alvin Ailey; nor the Koreshian hold that you have over the jukebox. Yeah, I know that you lined up your quarters and all, but I’m here to drink not listen to you bitch about why there’s no fusion world beats on the “box.” Hey, just put your $6.00 worth of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L8s9dmuAKvU&feature=list_related&playnext=1&list=MLGxdCwVVULXe5sgJvkCatpiJzXCz6LRxq">The Traveling Wilbury’s </a>in and get it over with so I can continue to drink bourbon and figure out how to get the blood out of my trunk.</span></li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><br />
</div><ol start="3" type="1"><li class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-list: l1 level1 lfo1; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto; tab-stops: list .5in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Wedding Speech Guy – I’m going to let you in on a little secret: No one cares about the time you and the groom spent a week building a tree fort in the backyard, or that he loves to live life to the fullest. Here’s what every guy is thinking about in order: 1. Bridesmaids with low self esteem and a newly acquired dependence on diet pills. 2. Open Bar. 3. Prime Rib.</span></li>
</ol><div class="MsoNormal" style="line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What’s my point? My point is this, <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Herculoids">Zandor</a>. If countless episodes of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jjJuv00mlk0">Space Ghost </a>have taught me anything, it’s that it’s only a matter of time until we’re all taking orders from Ryan Seacrest. And what will become of our individual legacies then? I mean, do we want our future generations to use Facebook pages, and the crap on there to rebuild our society?</span></div>Can you imagine a Government and a Constitution based on what Love Boat character you are? Sure, it’s cool if you’re an Isaac, but what about the poor bastard that ends up as<a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m_wFEB4Oxlo"> Adam Bricker</a>? What if the President gets assassinated? Does all power immediately revert to Charo’s preserved brain in a jar?<br />
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Look, I know you want to fit in. I know the Canucks are the only game in town, but are you a fan or a SUPERFAN?!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Lucky for you, the folks at, Briggs Meyer have stopped working on their society defining: “Are you a Bulimic Pirate” personality profile questions to help me out with a questionnaire to gauge your level of “fanhood”. There test is way better than my first attempt anyways:<br />
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Question 1 – Do you love the Canucks? <br />
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Question 2. – Cool, me too! Want to come over and jump on my trampoline?<br />
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Please fill out the questionnaire to the best of your ability. Remember, be honest. <br />
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<div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>When the Canucks win, do you…</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Cheer loudly.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Exchange high fives with your friends?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Run through the living room with a Canuck’s flag?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Start preemptively looting to beat the crowds in July?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>When the Canucks lose, do you…</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Pout for a moment. They’ll get them next time.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Cuss loudly at the TV or in the arena.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Get easily irritated at the other team’s fans.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Think Morissey’s lyrics are speaking just to you.</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Do you show your support for your team by..</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Wearing a jersey or other piece of paraphernalia?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Decorating your car in Canuck’s colours?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Growing a playoff beard? </div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Walking around “Full Kesler” style at family events.</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">4.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Would you describe your allegiance to the Canucks as…</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Unwavering?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Bandwagon?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Ebbing and Flowing with the fortunes of the team?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Remember those priests from the <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Beastmaster</i>? Yeah.</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">5.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>How do you prefer to watch the Canucks?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>I have a hi def TV. </div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>At a sports bar with friends.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>I listen on the radio.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Usually with night vision goggles, from a secluded view outside of Sami Salos house.</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">6.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Do you attend Canucks games live?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Yes.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>No.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Whenever I can.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>I have a detailed picture of Rogers Arena with a map to my season tickets tattooed on my chest. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Prison Break </i>style.</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">7.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>How would you describe your level of Canuck’s fandom?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Watch once in a while.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Casual fan, because your friends are.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Never miss a game.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Is there a silent “c” in Hinckleyesque? </div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">8.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Who has been your favourite Goaltender coach?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Rollie Melanson</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Ian Clarke</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Frank Caprice</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>We have a goaltender coach? Seriously?</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">9.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Are you immersed in the Canuck’s culture?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Yes, I talk about the Canucks with friends all the time.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>No, I like the team, but I just prefer to watch the games.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Somewhat, I do watch the highlights after the game.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>I’ll get back to you. I’m busy teaching these monkeys to reenact Game 7 from 1994</div><div style="margin-left: 1in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">10.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Would you ever do anything immoral in pursuit of your fanhood?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>No</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Yes</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Maybe</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>How many? </div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">11.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Do you pay attention to the Sports Media and their “take” on the Canucks?</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>I do not.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>I read the occasional local article.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>I listen to the local radio shows.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>No, but just out of curiosity, does Dave Pratt have a fear of enclosed spaces?</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div style="margin-left: 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">12.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>When Alex Burrowes does his goal celebration of shooting an arrow, do you…</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">a.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Know that it is a tribute to his late friend Luc Bourdon</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">b.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Know that he has scored a big, series defining goal.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">c.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Know that he plays the game with a kid’s enthusiasm.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">d.<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman";"> </span></span>Know that the British will be attacking at any moment, so best to put on your armour.</div><div style="margin-left: 1in; mso-list: l0 level2 lfo2; text-indent: -0.25in;"><br />
</div>Scoring:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>0 – 10 <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>- You’re a casual fan. Good on you, you don’t take things too seriously. You’re probably a guy that likes to tell people to watch, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Wire</i> and enjoy some serious microbrews. I’m willing to bet you’ve got some novelty t-shirts and really like the fast breakneck pace of Branson, Missouri. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><br />
<br />
10 – 20 – You’re a fan. You know all the names of the players. You go to the games you have a car flag, you’re only comfortable around your own kind. You get mad when people walk in front of the screen during the game, and you hate when people wear a jersey that don’t even have the fight straps. Down. You call the players by their first names and call in the local shows to let the hosts know about the blockbuster deal you’ve just worked out on EA NHL 12. <br />
<br />
20 – 30 – You’re a Samantha. (Sorry, I’m plagiarizing these results. Just go with it.)<br />
<br />
30-40 – You’re a fanatic. You’re in therapy because of the anger you feel towards your parents for not being a twin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes, in the middle of the night you wake up with Salo sympathy pains. You wouldn’t sign the pre-nup until your wife took your “1990-91 Pavel Bure Upper Deck Rookie Card” off the table as community property should you get divorced. You sulked for weeks when your wife didn’t see the whimsy in naming her breasts Krutov and Larionov. You’ve spent hours at the pharmacy carving down your antidepressants into replicas of Luongo’s masks. You don’t need Viagra. You always start slow in October.<br />
<br />
Follow me on Twitter @steveintheKT. I’m one of you.steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-91639078373175231652011-11-02T08:22:00.000-07:002011-11-02T08:22:48.391-07:00Nosferatu Wouldnt' Put a Team in Nashville!<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right now, in a poorly lit basement, there’s an underground, Kumite being formed by 9 year olds for the last fun size Aero bar. So, we’re still in that murky gray, post Halloween lull somewhere between a "Smarties" induced diabetic coma, and cutting Fun Dip with baby laxative, Studio 54 style. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You know, sometimes the phrase “…there’s a fine line between insanity and genius” has never been more appropriate. Wait, that’s not really what’s happening here. OK, let’s try this…There’s <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>a fine line between sending out your daughter for trick or treating dressed like “Taylor Swift” and <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>sending her out looking like an extra from, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Wire. </i>Yeah, that’s about right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s what we’re feeling. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So, I’m just going to forget the meandering and get right to my point. Yep, I’m busting out the figurative T-Shirt cannons and they’re ready to go. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bram Stoker’s great grandson has found the author’s private journal, in which he sketched the very first image of, Dracula. Now, I’m a rational guy. I don’t believe in monsters, or ghosts, or the Irish, but you try explaining this… <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fQBNV9SQq-U/TrAziF3J2wI/AAAAAAAAAII/lYPO2jcHWdM/s1600/bettman.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-fQBNV9SQq-U/TrAziF3J2wI/AAAAAAAAAII/lYPO2jcHWdM/s1600/bettman.bmp" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QJwglCNnzXw/TrAzlqSS49I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/UShNimME6jc/s1600/untitssssled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-QJwglCNnzXw/TrAzlqSS49I/AAAAAAAAAIQ/UShNimME6jc/s1600/untitssssled.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look, I’m as terrified as you are. I immediately got on the next plane to Transylvania (Protip: the Kosher meal is fantastic) and did some digging into the Carpathian archives. I’m no, Indiana Jones, but what I uncovered will both haunt and amaze you. Like Harvey Keitel in, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Bad Lieutenant </i>or KFC’s "Famous Bowl." </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’ve managed to compare the original version of Bram Stoker’s, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Dracula</i> with Gary Bettman’s personal journal, and in my own opinion as a historian (…and fatter Hardy Boy) there’s a very good chance that the commissioner of the NHL is Nosferatu! Vampyre! Well, look, you be the judge…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dracula: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">"As the Count leaned over me and his hands touched me... a horrible feeling of nausea came over me, which, do what I would, I could not conceal." – Bram Stoker, Chapter 1, Dracula</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bettman’s Diary: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“..sigh, what a day, I handed the Stanley Cup to Crosby today, and my when we shook hands he pulled away quickly. I can’t help it. I have sweaty hands. Anyways, he made a weird face and skated away before I could even say congratulations. On a plus side, I’m getting over the constant taunts of the fans The Dr. was right. They are chanting “Boootman…” </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dracula: “</span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN;">When the Count saw my face, his eyes blazed with a sort of demonic fury, and he suddenly made a grab at my throat. I drew away, and his hand touched the string of beads which held the crucifix. It made an instant change in him, for the fury passed so quickly that I could hardly believe that it was ever there."- Bram Stoker, Chapter 2, Dracula</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bettman’s Diary: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Met with Balsille again today. That guy’s a dick.”</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dracula: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="color: #333333; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN;">"I am here to do your bidding, Master. I am your slave..." – Bram Stoker, Chapter 10, Dracula</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bettman’s Diary: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I can’t put my finger on it, but there’s something I really like about that Pierre McGuire. Good dude. Oh, new idea for the dream journal… “Superheroes based on NHL Teams. What could go wrong?”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dracula: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“I shall cut off the head and fill the mouth with garlic, and I shall drive a stake through the body."- Bram Stoker, Chapter 15, Dracula.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bettman’s Diary: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Dear Diary, God you try and offer Colin Campbell the littlest bit of advice on what to do about Matt Cooke, and this is the crap I get. I can’t wait until he retires.”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dracula: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Was this a customary incident in the life of a solicitor's clerk sent out to explain the purchase of a London estate to a foreigner?" – Bram Stoker, Chapter 2, Dracula.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bettman’s Diary: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Gary, find us new markets, Gary, we need more revenue.” Gary, do this, Gary do that… Well, hey, guess what, they have ice in England too. Who knew “ice cricket” means “cold sore” over there. Man, and I thought trying to get a team into Phoenix was going to be tough. TGIF!! Remember to DVR Gilmore Girls.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dracula: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“He was very pale, and his eyes seemed bulging out as, half in terror and half in amazement, he gazed at a tall, thin man, with a beaky nose and black moustache and pointed beard..."- Bram Stoker, Chapter 13, Dracula</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bettmans Diary: </span></b><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Finally able to sit down with the accountant from Dallas again. Gary, remind Gary to look up what exactly, “hemorrhaging money” really means. Thank God, we’ve still got that cash cow in Atlanta. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me on Twitter @steveinthekt</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Next week, I draw a startling parallel between Barry Trotz and his offseason returning the ring to Mount Doom. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
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</div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-86245439688865525592011-11-02T07:08:00.000-07:002011-11-02T08:07:52.910-07:00Luongo IS What It Sounds Like When Doves Cry.."<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; margin-right: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eq_ykEtuVqA/TrAlD5xABCI/AAAAAAAAAHo/ZKrNB4I6reE/s1600/imagesCA8SNV2Q.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-eq_ykEtuVqA/TrAlD5xABCI/AAAAAAAAAHo/ZKrNB4I6reE/s1600/imagesCA8SNV2Q.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You don't bring me flowers anymore.."</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wGW41p16Blc/TrAlJb_UIbI/AAAAAAAAAHw/DcPmM_HYPu0/s1600/ssss.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-wGW41p16Blc/TrAlJb_UIbI/AAAAAAAAAHw/DcPmM_HYPu0/s1600/ssss.bmp" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"You don't sing me love songs.."</td></tr>
</tbody></table><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anais Nin wrote that, “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">We don’t see things as they are, we see them as we are.” </i><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why am I quoting the preeminent writer of a Franco-Cuban erotica in a hockey blog?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, today’s lesson is all about maturation; about growing as people and realizing when it’s time to say goodbye. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border-bottom: medium none; border-left: medium none; border-right: medium none; border-top: medium none; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">OK, back to the quote by Nin; human nature compels us to see people the way we want to see them. For good or bad, we cast others in the guise of our own experiences and ideas about the way the world works. We can’t help it, it’s just who we are as a species. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Do I have a point? Yes. Yes I do. My point is this. The guy that vacuums out our SUV at the car detailing place is not buying for a second that the glitter in the backseat is from me driving around high class escorts back and forth from a high paying gig as Tinkerbelle’s morally ambiguous cousins. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It doesn’t really matter where the glitter came from; the guy took one look at me and knew I was more Pottery Barn than Champagne Room. Add<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>this to the fact that the SUV is a Hyundai, which is an old Korena word that means “masturbates alone and cries” and you’ve got the makings of the worst mid life crisis in history. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Part of growing up is realizing when it’s time to move on. Your days of showing up to the club are over. If you were to show up now, the only thing that would be “bumping” (…is bumping even a thing?) would be the onsite defibrillator when I got chest pains trying to snort Lipitor in the bathroom. </span></div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anyways, like I said, part of growing up is realizing when it’s time to say goodbye to the things that used to make us happy. And that’s why I’m breaking up with you Roberto. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m going to keep this mature and classy. I mean, “I have another letter where I call you a dick, but I’m going to keep this classy. I just don’t want another incident like the one where I tried to break up with my college girlfriend over email.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">From: </span></i><a href="mailto:quickdrawmcgraw77@slambemail.com"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">quickdrawmcgraw77@slambemail.com</span></i></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">To:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>eggcellente98@frogslam.com</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Subject:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How the ***k do you not know who Forrest Gump is?</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t know how to even begin this. Right now, I’m hurt, I’m angry, but most of all I’m disappointed. I mean, how the hell do you not know who Forrest Gump is? </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Christ, Jen! We had that Trivial Pursuit game by the balls, and you absolutely pissed the bed. Did you even bother to go over the practice questions I had couriered to your work?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>How many nights did we train for this?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do you think I wanted to run drills with you? I’ve got a Jenga tournament to begin carbo-loading for! God damn it!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Did you learn nothing from the CLUE incident at the Wilson’s on New Year’s Eve?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Did you not see the condescending look on Jim’s face when you couldn’t figure out who the murderer was? </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A pillow case of sodas isn’t even part of the game, Jen!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t’ even want to get into your “motive” Again, it is: location, weapon, person. No one gives a crap about the so called “crime of passion” between Professor Plum and Colonel Mustard you came up with. I couldn’t even show up to work on Monday after that debacle. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Did you ever wonder why we didn’t get an invite to the Jamesons’ annual “Scrabb-a-looza?” Oh, sure, blame my crippling alcoholism and stealing panties if you want, Jen. But we both know it’s your inability to make a triple word score with a Q and a J. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When we were discussing children’s names and itemizing my Nickeback CD’s I told you that I am an “extreme board gamer” and you were cool with that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Don’t you remember those passionate nights where you’d come home and I’d have on my monocle and top hat, and take you for a “…ride on the reading railroad.”? </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What happened to us? God, somewhere you’ve lost the shouldering eroticism of the green hippo, Jen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m going to level with you, Jen. I can only get aroused now when you lay diagonally and I think of you as the </span></i><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9KsfiqAdSW0"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Sister from Connect 4 all grown up</span></i></a><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I should have known this wouldn’t work out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’d like to see your new boyfriend do what I can do. Maybe if he didn’t’ spend all of his time playing sports and volunteering and taking the LSAT’s, he could have gotten a 6 three times in a row with a pop-o-matic bubble. You know how hard that is? THAT’S A VETERAN MOVE, JEN! A VETERAN MOVE!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does he even know there was a 6 Million Dollar Man board game? Yeah, I thought so.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look, there’s no easy way to say this. You’re off the team.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a new paralegal here at the office who knows all the words to “I’m Just a Bill”. That’s the competitive edge I’m looking for. Please turn in your monogrammed RISK tiles. </span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m not proud of how that went’ but let’s face it, we all do childish things sometimes. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7rxmlxtkwuU/TrAlvDyK2-I/AAAAAAAAAH4/kflYWRlgQT4/s1600/ww.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-7rxmlxtkwuU/TrAlvDyK2-I/AAAAAAAAAH4/kflYWRlgQT4/s1600/ww.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">If the Canucks were to ever sever ties with Luongo, you can be assured it’s going to have to be done in public, probably at a restaurant that only has plastic cutlery. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Look, we’ve all been there, right? We’ve all felt love’s sting. (..at least until the wide spectrum antibiotics kick in) </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You know going in that getting involved with someone who’s a little unhinged will be an exercise in tradeoffs. Sure, she’ll indulge your <i>Friendly Giant </i>fetish, but when things go south, you better be ready for a bunch of late night hang ups and pregnancy tests taped to your office door. </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I remember it like it was yesterday. I’d wake up in the morning, turn on the TV and see your sad, brooding eyes from behind that Panther’s mask. And I’d think, if only. If only you were mine. I’d treat you right. I wouldn’t let you face so many shots, I’d give you a comfortable 2 goal lead to work with every night, and I’d make you the corner stone to my plan for a Stanley Cup dynasty.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I was so happy when I heard the news that you accepted the trade to come here. I couldn’t wait to see you. To stand out in the rain, (probably shirtless) <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Notebook </i>style for a glimpse of you taking the ice. Sure, I’d heard the rumours, temperamental, melancholic, like the gay vampire from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Twilight </i>just with a better glove hand. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The first years were magical. It was a dream. It was as if I was perpetually living in the last 20 minutes of a romantic comedy; even one with Katherine Heigl. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">And then it all went wrong, so wrong. First, it was the small things. The things I was willing to overlook: the going down too quickly, the bad rebound control, the lack of focus in key situations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When other’s faith began to waiver in you, I saw only the good. I was always there to pump your tires. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When some people were willing to take shots at you for your consistently poor play in October year after year, I put a positive spin on it, and liked to think October was your preseason. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I don’t know when it happened; maybe it was the way you got flustered when someone stood in your crease, or the passive aggressive shots you took at your defensemen and other goalies. I just know that things were unraveling quickly. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Please try to remember the good times, Roberto. Like when you gave up 6 in the playoffs, <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and I put some left over stick tape on it in the box scores to make a happy face. Or when you thought the TSN camera crew was giving you the "mean-eyes" and we chased them through the rain.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="color: #2a2a2a; font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Roberto, remember, if you love something set it free. If it comes back (at a lower price, willing to waive the no trade clause) then it was meant to be. If it doesn’t, then it was never yours to begin with. (…and will probably get picked up by the Islanders. Again) </span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It's better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. I mean, a share of the Jennings trophy, that’s just as good., right? Right? What is that, solid chrome? I mean, that’s something, right? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">"Roberto, remember, it takes a couple of seconds to say hello, but forever to say goodbye. You’ll always be remembered fondly. Just think of how many people still have that picture of Dan Cloutier stopping a beach ball as their screensaver.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Roberto, i<span style="color: #2a2a2a;">t's not you, it's me. I'm just not sure we have anything in common. I'm pure stand up, and you're, well, I'm not sure what that is you're doing there exactly, is that a glove, or… where is your stick?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, how do you lose that thing once a game? I mean, it's not you. Sorry.</span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">This is awkward, but uhhm, what’s Cory Schneider’s situation? Too soon? <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=V8lT1o0sDwI">Hey, it’s not like his fiancée died in a tragic kiln accident. </a></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; line-height: normal; margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Follow me on Twitter @steveintheKT I’m writing a power rock ballad for you. </span></div><br />
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</div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-43412670149982508712011-10-30T10:27:00.000-07:002011-10-30T10:27:47.110-07:00An NHL Primer for Distressed NBA Fans! (No Neck Tattoos here!)<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zEFvrKGIboA/TqrUVSfX1lI/AAAAAAAAAGY/s7uw9NGIVIM/s1600/nhl.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-zEFvrKGIboA/TqrUVSfX1lI/AAAAAAAAAGY/s7uw9NGIVIM/s1600/nhl.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="border: currentColor; margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m a fan of the modern age. I love that Google has made the reference section at the Library, a dusty remnant of times past. (Although, the idea of packs of feral, naughty librarians roaming the streets breathily whispering parts of the Dewey Decimal system into your ear is kind of nice).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But when it comes to being a man, I’m old school. Like any man who’s made the plunge and gotten married, your continued chances of wanton nudity (..hers not yours. My pants are off before the garage door closes) depends on compromise (and scrubbing your balls). Therefore, it’s an inevitability that you’re going to end up on an adult play date with her and her friends at an apple orchard, cheese tasting, scrabble party or any other event devised to really test your limits.. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Cheese tasting? Really? Look, I’m just going to say it. I’m a “cheese-ist.” My cheese either comes individually wrapped in “Singles” form or following words like “Macaroni and..” or “…stuffed crust.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The idea of a bunch of dudes milling around a ripe brie en croute is essentially torture. I’m almost positive that if a remake of “Marathon Man” were coming down the pike (…who am I kidding? Who wouldn’t want to drill Hugh Jackman’s dingo baby eating teeth) it would take place in a fromagerie with Hitler’s cheese monger wanting to know: “Is it sharp?”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But once again, nudity levels the playing field and you’re stuck listening to some guy ramble on about sheep’s milk Gouda and weepy Havarti. I don’t even want to look the other guys in the eye; it’s too uncomfortable. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wdb3wkgHrUE/TqrUovOQxPI/AAAAAAAAAGo/8kZjfSj9eTI/s1600/unssstitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-wdb3wkgHrUE/TqrUovOQxPI/AAAAAAAAAGo/8kZjfSj9eTI/s1600/unssstitled.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s like when you’re coming out of the Barnes and Noble bathroom with a look of relief and a “Girls of Japanese Anime” coffee table book and you see a guy from your office. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anyways, the NHL could get a solid bump from all the NBA strike fuss. Here’s a primer to NBA fans looking to make the plunge and sound like they know what they’re talking about. You’ll notice the absence of neck tattoos and shark tanks.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">- Mentioning Roberto Luongo’s unprotected five hole, and you’ll seem like a guy who may knows something about breaking down goalie play.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mentioning Roberto Luongo’s unprotected glory hole, and you’ll only pique the interest of your cousin, who hopes this has something to do with Olive Garden restrooms and his bi-curious leanings.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right –</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> “Flashing the leather” is a way to say a goalie has a quick glove hand.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Suzi_Quatro"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Flashing the Leather</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">” has nothing to do with the failed Happy Days spinoff: “Milwaukee: CSI”</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">A player exceeding his usual level of play is said to be: “…putting on a clinic.”</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This isn’t the time to bring up your Thai hooker and her limited understanding of the rhythm method.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right –</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> Referring to a player or coach by his nickname shows that you have a solid understanding of the game. E.g. Matt Cooke = Cookie. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Referring to a player or coach by the mythical character they resemble shows you really should have just stayed over by the spinach dip. E.g. </span><a href="http://www.google.com/images?hl=en&sugexp=ldymls&xhr=t&q=barry+trotz&cp=9&pq=push+by+sapphire&bav=on.2,or.r_gc.r_pw.&wrapid=tljp1302625495394030&um=1&ie=UTF-8&source=og&sa=N&tab=wi&biw=1181&bih=801"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Barry Trotz</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"> = Hobbit.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Demonstrating the various hand signals for each penalty call shows an affinity for the more detailed parts of the game. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Adding a Stephen Sondheim score is probably a bit much.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">When pushed into a corner, it’s best to just say: “I think they’ll just take it one day at a time...” </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Do NOT follow up on your comment by talking about your bizarre </span><a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/One_Day_at_a_Time"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bonnie Franklin / Schneider fantasy.</span></a><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right - </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Someone will invariably bring up Gretzky and say: “…he’s a God in Canada.” Just chuckle and nod accordingly.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Now is not the time to bring up all the ritual killings you’ve made in his name. </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The “Neutral Zone” is the area between the two blue lines. The Neutral Zone trap is a defensive system designed to prevent solid breakouts by the offensive team.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">This has nothing to do with the time Charlie had you pinned down with sniper fire and you saw your best friend blown to bits. So, put down the fondu fork and let the caterer go.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It is customary for players to forego shaving in the playoffs. This playoff superstition is known as a: “Playoff beard.” </span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Just bite down hard on your lip & take another swig of your bourbon before you chime in with your rec. league pre-game tradition of paying a hooker to pretend she’s an “Ambie” (Amish Zombie).</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: Symbol; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-bidi-font-family: Symbol; mso-fareast-font-family: Symbol;"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">·<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Right – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Stanley Cup can be referred to as Lord Stanley’s Cup,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Silver Chalice and “The Mug”</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">Wrong – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN-US; mso-bidi-language: AR-SA; mso-fareast-font-family: Calibri; mso-fareast-language: EN-US; mso-fareast-theme-font: minor-latin;">No one else has heard it, so hold back and refrain from calling it, “Hull’s Urinal</span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-13851018614358640492011-10-29T21:00:00.001-07:002011-10-30T07:09:01.901-07:00Planking Schmanking! Who's up for Alain Vigneault-ing<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You know that uncomfortable game you play when you’re thrust into an awkward situation, like meeting your future in laws or playing prison rules CLUE. (It’s always the sharpened toothbrush in the shower) <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">You know the one where you tell a stranger something innocuously embarrassing about yourself like, “I wasn’t paying attention today and I put on a black sock and a navy blue sock.” It’s harmless, right? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, what happens when that person takes your small admission of something uncomfortable and sees that as the opening they’ve been looking for to unburden themselves of some darker secret? “Oh, I know what you mean, I’ve been stalking Cher for years. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">How do you come back to that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, in my incredibly English family we handle all uncomfortable situations the same way. We put out baked goods and change the subject to the weather. This explains our rather, “hard cheese” demeanor and love of mincemeat. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">What’s my point, Sally? My point is this. It’s all about the little things.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Whether it's my Dad's annual "angry letter campaign" to the makers of Hunt's Ketchup or my Mom's passive aggressive hinting about what she's getting you for Christmas:<br />
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Mom: "Stephen, I saw your 8th grade math teacher, Mr. Parsons at The Bay and he was wearing the sharpest silk shirt."<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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Me: "Mom, I don't want a silk shirt."<br />
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Mom: "Stephen, you're not getting one, but a silk shirt would be such an addition to your collection of ratty T-Shirts. Good Lord, you look like a wayward roadie on most occasions. Did you know Janis' daughter just..."<br />
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Me: "Mom, you're losing focus."<br />
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Mom: "All I'm saying is that a silk shirt is very smart and all the kids are wearing..."<br />
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Me: "Mom, I'm 40."<br />
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Mom: "Well, you should stop buying all your clothes from GAP and ..."<br />
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Me: "Mom, it's, The Gap, and I don’t.”<br />
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Mom: "Regardless, Stephen, their clothes make you look like you're on a Leper's Island."<br />
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So, that's how that goes. <br />
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Add that “therapist’s wet dream” to our already disturbing ritual of busting out the “Elf on the Shelf” and you’ve got an Easton Ellis novel with less coke and more eggnog. The idea of a tiny person who sneaks in and out of your house every night is both disturbing and, I believe the origin for most of the predator and stalking laws in 48 of the 50 States. I've written my Congressman to see if, Meaghan's Law applies to ceramic figurines.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">Anyways, the law of hipster idiocy started with planking, went to owling and right on to Tebowing. Well, the NHL is ready to follow suit…<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-p9mJafTX5vE/TqzMAAhy-YI/AAAAAAAAAG4/g6lI7QgO40A/s1600/maclean.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-p9mJafTX5vE/TqzMAAhy-YI/AAAAAAAAAG4/g6lI7QgO40A/s1600/maclean.png" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">“MacLean-ing” – Hands folded regally on table, neck turned at a 90 degree angle and a dead eyed “Hinckleyesque” gaze makes this the preferred fad of Kevin Spacey cosplay enthusiasts.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rEmQZuLWkJg/TqzML8vIrWI/AAAAAAAAAHA/qyIMzTYK3xQ/s1600/kesselllll.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-rEmQZuLWkJg/TqzML8vIrWI/AAAAAAAAAHA/qyIMzTYK3xQ/s1600/kesselllll.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">“Kessel-ing” – Hands tucked disturbingly in lap. Reclining at an angle that says, “…I’m seat filling at the daytime Emmys.” This trend is perfect for anyone who loves the feeling of pleather under them and a penchant for turquoise jewelry.<o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CPi_EmiLMOA/TqzMb75MhHI/AAAAAAAAAHI/37zZiN2P9hw/s1600/imagesCALMYE8U.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-CPi_EmiLMOA/TqzMb75MhHI/AAAAAAAAAHI/37zZiN2P9hw/s1600/imagesCALMYE8U.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">“Crosby-ing” – Your head is facing downward with your eyes closed. Down on all fours, hands out in front of you like you’re a, “muslicorn” (muslim unicorn). This is very in vogue for people who like the idea of praying, but they’re unsure whether the Hamburglar is the kind of new age deity that needs that kind of validation. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fPJMIJIIdzQ/TqzM5l6U-7I/AAAAAAAAAHQ/0oyD8xLWiiQ/s1600/imagesCAFRGN8L.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-fPJMIJIIdzQ/TqzM5l6U-7I/AAAAAAAAAHQ/0oyD8xLWiiQ/s1600/imagesCAFRGN8L.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">“Vigneault-ing”- Standing completely straight, smiling wryly with your arms loosely folded like a jaded Muppet, your head is cocked at an angle that says, “Sure, I know the Washington Generals are against it tonight, but I’ve got a really good feeling. People who love Vigneault-ing are naturally suspicious. Even after presented with all the consumer reports and financial data, they won’t buy their adverbs anywhere but at Lolly’s. <o:p></o:p></span></div><br />
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</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-itHkPjw8sQU/TqzNEDFjTFI/AAAAAAAAAHY/Fb0fqhXy4iw/s1600/imagesCASJY3SA.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-itHkPjw8sQU/TqzNEDFjTFI/AAAAAAAAAHY/Fb0fqhXy4iw/s1600/imagesCASJY3SA.jpg" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12pt;">“Subban-ing” – Perhaps the toughest NHL trend to duplicate; mostly because it’s never done the same way twice. One time you can be on one foot with your arms akimbo and head tilted skyward like. The next time, you can be down on your knees, both arms over your head, Pia Zadora style and your neck turned at a ninety degree angle like a hipster demon who will only possesses people ironically. This trend is great for people who march to a different drummer. People who rarely take no for an answer; so, it could be Mark David Chapman or the pinball machine in, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Accused. <o:p></o:p></i></span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-9394244642525701732011-10-29T19:06:00.000-07:002011-10-29T19:39:23.396-07:00Visors, Pronger and Fun with Find and Replace<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9LsRbabyUUo/Tqb3qZ40HUI/AAAAAAAAADo/OcU27VyDOr8/s1600/pronger.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-9LsRbabyUUo/Tqb3qZ40HUI/AAAAAAAAADo/OcU27VyDOr8/s1600/pronger.bmp" /></a></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;">If there's anything that I could bring forward from being a fifteen year old boy growing up in the 80's it would have to be my ability to hold up my Catherine Bach poster with one hand and my superhuman recall of all things, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fast Times at Ridegmont High</i>. </span></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;">To this day, I consider, “What do you do with the jackets people leave here?” to be the best opening line with women, ever. </span></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;">What’s my point, Arnold? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My point is this, sometimes the things we remember as being totally, totally sweet, like summer break or <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PqMIfeTc-CM">Phoebe Cates getting out of that pool</a>. <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sidenote: I don’t usually go in for the whole “controversial satetments” thing, but I firmly believe that Phoebe Cates in Fast Times, was a mere 1/10 of the hotness of <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ueVPUsyrT0s">Phoebe Cates in Gremlins</a>. Maybe it’s my Canadian sensibilities, or my erotically themed Farley Mowats “fanfic” but seeing Phoebe Cates in a sweater makes me think Linda Barrett’s breasts are hibernating for the weather. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></i></span></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;">OK, back to my point. My point is, that just because it was cool, doesn’t’ mean it’s cool now. Earlier this week, Philadelphia Flyers defenseman and cross dressing enthusiast, Chris Pronger took a stick to his eye in a game against the Maple Leafs. </span></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;">Luckily, Pronger’s OK,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>and will return in 3 to 4 weeks wearing a visor. Pronger’s injury has once again opened the can of worms that is the “should they or shouldn’t they” wear a visor argument among fans and media. </span></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;">Is the visor a good idea? Yes. Does it protect the eye? Will it prevent all eye injuries? No, but at least it’s better than nothing. Look, I’m not going to throw a bunch of the usual, “what about this..” and “what about that..” arguments at you. </span></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><br />
</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B81qBh1eOso/Tqb3wyz6ZuI/AAAAAAAAADw/L-m_5VfCbdU/s1600/costanza.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-B81qBh1eOso/Tqb3wyz6ZuI/AAAAAAAAADw/L-m_5VfCbdU/s1600/costanza.bmp" /></a></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;">It’s simple. These are grown men whose livelihoods depend on clear vision. If they want to jeopardize it, then it’s up to them. Until the players association and the league decide enough is enough we’ll continue to see guys like <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e_wo1oCe8s4">Manny Malhotra</a> and Matthias Ohlund, taken off the ice with blood streaming from their eyes. </span></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;">Instead, I’ll let my favourite scene from, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Seinfeld </i>and the magic of find and replace make my *argument for me…<br />
Enjoy...<br />
<br />
"THE VISOR"<br />
<br />
GARY BETTMAN : Yeah, they're in Finland now. They'll be back in a few weeks.<br />
<br />
DONALD FEHR: I can't believe he got involved with an actress.<br />
<br />
DONALD FEHR: So, what's happening with the Visor policy? You come up with anything?<br />
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GARY BETTMAN: No, nothing.<br />
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DONALD FEHR: Why don't they have Sturm on the ice?<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : What do you need Sturm on the ice for?<br />
<br />
DONALD FEHR: Because Sturm is now a Florida Panther and he has potential.</span></div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: #333333;"><br />
GARY BETTMAN : You know why? Because people like to say "Sturm" "Excuse me, do you like Sturm?" "We need more Sturm" "Where is Sturm? No Sturm?"<br />
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DONALD FEHR: You know it must be impossible for an NHL GM to trade for<br />
Sturm and not get Sturm. (Angry) "I wanted Sturm not Chouinard"<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : "Don't you know the difference between Sturm and Chouinard???<br />
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DONALD FEHR: See, this should be the policy. This is the policy.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : What?<br />
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DONALD FEHR: This. Just talking.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : (dismissing) Yeah, right.<br />
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DONALD FEHR: I'm really serious. I think that's a good idea.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : Just talking? Well what's the visor policy about?<br />
<br />
DONALD FEHR: It's about nothing.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : No legislation? No fines? No grandfathering? <br />
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DONALD FEHR: No, forget the legislation! Forget the fines.<br />
<br />
GARY BETTMAN : You've got to have grandfathering.<br />
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DONALD FEHR: Who says you gotta have grandfathering? Remember when Malhotra got hit in the eye? We didn’t do anything then. </span></div><span style="color: #333333;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333;"><div style="line-height: 135%;"><br />
GARY BETTMAN : And the visor policy is about nothing?<br />
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DONALD FEHR: Absolutely nothing.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : So you're saying, I go in to CBC, to the Board of Governors, the media, and tell them I got this idea for a visor policy and it’s about nothing.<br />
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DONALD FEHR: We go into CBC, Board of Governors, the media<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : "We"? Since when are you a Commissioner?<br />
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DONALD FEHR: (Scoffs) Commissioner. We're talking about the NHL.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : You want to go with me to the Board of Governors?<br />
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DONALD FEHR: Yeah. I think we really got something here.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : What do we got?<br />
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DONALD FEHR: An idea.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : What idea?<br />
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DONALD FEHR: An idea for the Visor Policy.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : I still don't know what the idea is.<br />
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DONALD FEHR: It's about nothing.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : Right.<br />
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DONALD FEHR: The NBA, The NFL, Everybody's doing something, about protecting their players, and we'll do nothing.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : So, we go into the Board of Governors, we tell them we've got an idea for a visor Policy and it’s about nothing.<br />
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DONALD FEHR: Exactly.<br />
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GARY BETTMAN : They say, "What's your Policy?" I say, "Nothing."<br />
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DONALD FEHR: There you go.<br />
<br />
(A moment passes)<br />
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GARY BETTMAN: (Nodding) I think you may have something there.</div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><br />
</div><div style="line-height: 135%;"><span style="color: black; font-family: Calibri;">. </span></div></span>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-81870897989153194962011-10-29T04:36:00.000-07:002011-10-29T04:09:02.017-07:00Dramatic Readings with Bob Cole- The THRILLER Edition<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yyPt1qrGpk4/Tqg9xkmpV-I/AAAAAAAAAFo/X1t1Ac4MOV4/s1600/thriller.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="240" ida="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-yyPt1qrGpk4/Tqg9xkmpV-I/AAAAAAAAAFo/X1t1Ac4MOV4/s400/thriller.bmp" width="400" /></a></div><br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Years from now, when the earth is facing a dystopian future of science versus sorcery, Moks are running schwarma restaurants, and humankind is being divided into “store bought” and “free range,” historians will look back on this particular post and think: “Yep, here’s where it started.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I like Bob Cole. I like pop music. I've managed to create something, wonderful? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Here’s the original…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Here's a little something else.... Bob Cole is happening. He's got a little more to add, right there. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Big thanks to my friend Tom @mackeralsoda for the impressions. He's available for bar mitzvah's and mall openings. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me @SteveintheKT. Everything is happening.</span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-75087047125883501922011-10-29T03:08:00.000-07:002011-10-29T08:58:36.228-07:00Drop the Mike... Gillis vs. Damone<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"></div><table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em; text-align: left;"><tbody>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Let’s just get right to it, shall we? I’m going to start this post like we’re old friends, OK, not exactly “old friends”, because let’s face it, if we were old friends, you’d be at my house right now hiding all the jewelry from wayward drifters I’ve collected over the years, before the police got there. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wait, that didn’t come out right.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Wayward drifters” kind of makes me seem creepy; not so much, like “bidding online for Japanese schoolgirl’s underwear creepy”, but more like “eating in the bathroom” creepy. No that’s not going to cut it either. Let’s just do this…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You know that thing in movies, where there are no opening credits, and it just starts with a car chase, wanton nudity or two Asian guys running at each other with guns in both hands a blazin’? Those are always good, right?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>OK, much better! Let’s begin…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anyways, here are three people that have really hard jobs:</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pLnXlPECBis/TqgcgXtczoI/AAAAAAAAAFI/DL2EHXupGJs/s1600/untisswwwwstled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pLnXlPECBis/TqgcgXtczoI/AAAAAAAAAFI/DL2EHXupGJs/s1600/untisswwwwstled.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">1.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Carl, the COBRA commando from Sector 5H who has to constantly explain to, Serpentor that COBRA HQ was blown up by guys codenamed, Snow Job, Barbecue and Gung Ho. Seriously? Gung Ho? The guy’s wearing a denim vest with no shirt and Capri pants! <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sidenote: Gay Bar or GI Joe Character is an awesome drinking game. </i></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">2.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Stephen Hawking. Sure, you’ve figured out the origins of the universe, possibly discovered time travel, and even used a complex equation to explain the appeal of Angelina Jolie, but you’re always going to be the third most popular guy with a voice synthesizer behind, T-Pain and that Cylon who thinks he’s a gunfighter from <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Battlestar Galactica.</i></span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt 0.5in; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -0.25in;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><span style="mso-list: Ignore;">3.<span style="font-size-adjust: none; font-stretch: normal; font: 7pt/normal "Times New Roman";"> </span></span></span><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mike Gillis.</span></div><div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt 0.5in;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What’s my point? Well, Milhouse, my point is this: Since Mike Gillis has taken on the task of Canuck’s GM, he’s done a very respectable job of building a Stanley Cup contender through shrewd trading and successful dips into the free agent pool.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m not saying he (Gillis) has a perfect record. I mean, I’m convinced there’s some weird <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Blue Velvet-esque </i>video of Gillis with a nitrous tank and an erotic baker with questionable morality that Mats Sundin has access to, but overall, he’s been a whole lot more Sonny Corleone, and a whole lot less Fredo Corleone. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">But have you ever wondered how Mike Gillis stacks up against another wheeler dealer with an advanced degree in hucksterism? Of course, you do. So, let’s go to the tale of the tape between Mike Gillis and Mike Damone from, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Fast Times at Ridgemont High</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Realizes he’s made a mistake, releases Peter Schaeffer.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Realizes he’s made a mistake, still won’t pay for Stacey’s abortion.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Gillis</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Signed Mats Sundin to a ridiculous 8.6 million dollar contract </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Took a bath on <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Blue Oyster Cult</i> tickets two months ago. (“Where were you?)</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Damone</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Uses a complicated mathematical formula based on the tenets of “Moneyball.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Uses a five point plan to guarantee success with any woman. “…Led Zeppelin IV”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Gillis</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Plays a dangerous game with the salary cap by signing Luongo to a long term contract.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Plays a dangerous game with Jefferson by putting off those <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Earth Wind and Fire </i>tickets.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Gillis</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Signs David Backes to an offer sheet; screws over the St. Louis Blues. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Screwed over Ratner by having sex with Stacey in her poolhouse.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Damone</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Takes offense to an unsigned editorial in a local paper calling for Luongo’s trade.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Takes offense to an unsigned “Prick” spray painted on his Gremlin.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Gillis</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Scours the waiver wire and European leagues every morning looking for possible players.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Puts the vibe out to 30 million women. Of course, something is going to happen.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Damone</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Can’t believe Brian Burke and Ron Wilson don’t understand the NHL’s tampering rules.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Can’t believe people have forgotten the magnetism of Robin Zander or the charisma of Rick Nielsen.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Gillis</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Last year’s loss in the Stanley Cup Final had some fans calling for Gillis to be fired.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Got busted for scalping Ozzy Ozbourne tickets. Now works at a 7-11.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Gillis</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gillis: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Tie always undone and shirt somewhat disheveled shows Gillis’ frustration.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Damone: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Wraps his piano key scarf around his neck in a jaunty manner when things go awry.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Edge: Damone</span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Follow me on Twitter @SteveintheKT. I’ll always show up at Old Heidelberg with your wallet; just call me. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-2876897041164966452011-10-29T03:02:00.000-07:002011-10-29T03:02:45.126-07:00"I Got a Rock. A Good Canadian Rock, Right There... 'atta Boy!<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wvzIvLCpEtw/Tqcgo9cGkLI/AAAAAAAAAEA/ALuVSc_B1Xs/s1600/mail.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="272" ida="true" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-wvzIvLCpEtw/Tqcgo9cGkLI/AAAAAAAAAEA/ALuVSc_B1Xs/s400/mail.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">There are three things I have learned never to discuss with<br />
people: Head shots, Europeans and the Great Pumpkin.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>Sometimes, I’m just itching for a fight. I’m usually a pretty laid back guy, I mean, I’m willing to accept that Encyclopedia Brown won’t get made into a movie and that my idea to hunt Australians for food probably won’t gain a lot of support. <br />
<br />
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Sidenote. What is it with Australians? Are they not satisfied with being the Harlem Globetrotters (You can talk amongst yourselves about who the Washington Generals are. ) of Genetic lotteries? Do they have to be so upbeat and chipper all the time? I’m not even sure Australians are real. They’re a myth, like unicorns or underwear models with loose morals. Whenever I hear an Austrlian accent, all I want to do is shush them up with my fingers to their lips in a very Kathleen Turner, Body Heat kind of way and get them to say, “A dingo ate my baby” or “A shrimp on the barby" or something.</i><br />
<br />
And you can try to convince me all you want that man is the smartest animal on the planet, and you can argue about his intellect and his limitless capacity for knowledge all you want but I will always end up victorious in the end. Why? Four little words... "I'll have the Filet-O-Fish. " <br />
<br />
What’s my point? My point is this, Sherman, it’s Halloween, so keep your crappy taffy and sunflower seeds to yourself and make with the mini Aero’s and Kit-Kats.<br />
<br />
Anyways, here’s some horror movie rewrites I submitted to the NHL Head Office to boost exposure on Halloween.<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Gremlins – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">An old Asian man warns the crew on the NBC set that if you feed Liam McHugh after midnight, you’ll wind up with PJ Stock!</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Hostel – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Jaded millionaires looking for a thrill pay deranged kidnappers for the right to torture innocent students strapped to chairs with Columbus Blue Jacket game film. Warning: You’ll scream in terror when RJ Umberger plays the point on the power play! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">It’s the Great Pumpkin, Garth Snow – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">In this whimsical classic, Garth and his friends go trick or treating at the NHL entry draft. After every round, you can hear the excited cries of: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I got an Ovechkin!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“I got a Crosby!” Except for the perpetually melancholic Garth who concedes, “I got an Okposo.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Poltergeist – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Strange events start to plague the New York Islanders, when they’re bought by Chinese industrialist, Charles Wang. Crowds mysteriously disappear, the goal horn remains spookily silent, and players suddenly vanish from the dressing room, replaced by ghostly shadows that the opposition skates right through. It’s only later that we learn Wang had the stadium built on an Indian graveyard. Actually, more specifically, under Rick DiPietro’s crease. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Exorcist – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">A defrocked Catholic priest is kept on the NHL payroll to expel the demons preventing people from attending games in Dallas, Columbus and Phoenix. Yeah, demons. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Twilight – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Thousands of goth girls (…and Erik Francis) all over Vancouver, take time away from cutting Sylvia Plath verses into their forearms to their, “Team Roberto” or “Team Corey” T-Shirts. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Schneider is quick to ask Kesler to stand in for him during those brooding, shirtless photo shoots.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-triK7djsfRI/TqgyjfI7ywI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/COeDr_cSlfI/s1600/untwwwitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-triK7djsfRI/TqgyjfI7ywI/AAAAAAAAAFQ/COeDr_cSlfI/s1600/untwwwitled.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Werewolf – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">After being bitten by Alex Burrow in a scrum during the playoffs, Mark Recchi turns into a fur covered lycanthrope during a full moon at camp Bruins management quickly wants to know who the idiot was that offered Dave Babych a tryout spot.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Human Centipede – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Having seen the almost telepathic connection that Henrik and Daniel Sedin have with Alex Burrows on the ice a mentally unhinged surgeon takes it one step further and surgically connects Joe Thronton, Patrick Marleau and Dany Heatley together. Not surprisingly, he only needs one heart.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Saw – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Mike Milbury, Mike Keenan and Dale Tallon are locked in a room without doors or windows. They have 24 hours to construct a well reasoned and thought out trade that makes long term fiscal sense, or else they will die a slow, tortuous death. The movie lasts exactly 30 blood filled seconds. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">The Invisible Man – </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Ooops, stupid Netflix sent me the wrong, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Invisible Man. </i>This is the documentary about Mike Green in the playoffs. Burn! </span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-79205662209409527852011-10-29T02:53:00.000-07:002011-10-29T02:53:50.187-07:00Canucks vs Capitals Preview! Now with Machiavelli, Oompa Loompas and My Cousin<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BN0K9Ts5B3o/TqhSZNc0tSI/AAAAAAAAAF4/Ird_EzCK0gg/s1600/nucks.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-BN0K9Ts5B3o/TqhSZNc0tSI/AAAAAAAAAF4/Ird_EzCK0gg/s1600/nucks.jpg" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zP3a_gV-jeI/TqhSfrTgRwI/AAAAAAAAAGA/ua9B__7CAH0/s1600/caps.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; cssfloat: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-zP3a_gV-jeI/TqhSfrTgRwI/AAAAAAAAAGA/ua9B__7CAH0/s1600/caps.jpg" /></a> <br />
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I have a kid, which means I’m way more familiar with the insides of a Build-A-Bear then I should be. Wait, that sounds disturbing. I mean, it’s not “windowless van in an Ice Capades parking lot” disturbing, but it’s close enough. OK, let’s try this…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I have a kid, and therefore I am immersed in kid’s activities. So, most days, we’re at figure skating recitals, gymnastics, paint it yourself pottery shops, bounce houses and a whole petri dish of kid’s parties. However, I draw the line at, Chuck E. Cheese.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have you ever been there? It’s like, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Lord of the Lies </i>mixed with the smell of crappy pizza and despair. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What I’m trying to say is, you’re drawn into kid’s activities because, as a parent, that’s just your job. It’s not so bad, there’s usually cake, and it keeps you away from Renaissance Fairs.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Renaissance Fairs? Yep, that’s a thing. From what I gather, once a year, empty pastures on the outskirts of town are transformed into a village from the Middle Ages, and it’s descended upon by men and women dressed in costumes from the period. OK, I get it, I do. You’re worn out from the high pressure job of being all that stands between order and chaos as you enforce the “one sauce, per order of chicken nuggets’ down at the local McDonald’s. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">You need a release, you need your sanctuary, and since (I’m guessing) your crawlspace is already jam packed with the bodies of “big shot” carnies who wouldn’t make with the extra caramel, putting on a papier macher codpiece is the next best thing.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Just a quick P.S.A. to the “black knight” as he parades around the fairgrounds: (whisper voice) “Icksnay on the Pending-ay, Application-ay to NAMBLA-ay”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What’s my point? Well my point is this: People, love to be what they’re not. I’m not going to delve into the Jungian analysis of taking on different personas, so I’ll just leave it at this, the nacho cheese dripping down your “armour” isn’t exactly historically accurate.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Whether it’s dressing up in a costume or eating breakfast for dinner,<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>switching it up from time to time, can be just the tonic needed to make the day to day grind bearable, or at least a wee bit more interesting. Like, what would happen if Bruce Banner got all stressed out and turned into a very, English, passive aggressive Hulk? “Hulk not happy with warmed goat cheese vinaigrette on micro green salad. Hulk. Hulk will write polite, yet terse letter to manager of Olive Garden, and roll eyes at waitress.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Anyways, the Capitals have brought their high powered show into town tonight, and the Canucks have to stop them; ether on rags notwithstanding.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look, I’m not a stats guy. I think stats are the calling card of the blasé and simple minded. Yes, I guess they’re helpful as a tool to measure something against something else, but if they were accurate, all the games would be played out on some super computer in an underground bunker. </span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SxsfL8zENVQ/TqrEvEm31KI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/pmg5TblKqeU/s1600/untssssitled.bmp" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; cssfloat: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" ida="true" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SxsfL8zENVQ/TqrEvEm31KI/AAAAAAAAAGQ/pmg5TblKqeU/s1600/untssssitled.bmp" /></a></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I also feel that way about the “Ubiquitous Keys, Breakdown, Toe to Toe etc…. of the Game” type articles written by people who see the same game I do. One hundred percent of the time, they’re chocked full of parroting and outright plagiarism of things they’ve read, seen or heard previously. There are several excellent people at TSN, CBC, Team 1040 and <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">The Province </i>who do this for a living, and they actually have access to the players, management and teams whereas we do not. And, as I have always said: “Talk to the owner of the Circus, not the monkey.” </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">So, instead why don’t’ we try this… I’m going to spin a huge, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Price is Right</i> style showcase showdown wheel and get their breakdown of tonight’s game. I call it…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Randomonium – Capital vs. Canucks” </span></b></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Tonight’s round table includes:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Italian Political Philosopher Niccolo Machiavelli, my cousin Brenda, who gets all her Canucks info from the comments page on canucks.com and Dave, the jaded Oompa Loompa who sings the songs, but doesn’t mean it.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“OK, guys…. First Question: Do you start Luongo?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Macchiavelli: “</span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">At this point one may note that men must be either pampered or annihilated. They avenge light offenses; they cannot avenge severe ones; hence, the harm one does to a man must be such as to obviate any fear of revenge.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Brenda: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“More like Lu-Wrongo! LOLZ!” Am I right? Am I right?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“Wait, what? What does that mean? Are you saying yes to starting to Luongo or no?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Brenda: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">“+1”<b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"> </b></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Brenda: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Exactly.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: OK, Dave what do you think? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dave: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thanks, Steve. First it’s great to be here. I believe it was Foster He…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">What do you think you’re doing? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dave:<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">I’m answering the question. I think Luongo’s start depends on the ch…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">No, I mean, you know, you’re an Oompa Loompa, you know, you come out, you go up and down, you bust out a cute little prophetic rhyme; you know, Oompa Loompa.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dave: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Uhhm, no. that’s not really my thing. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Not your thing? What?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re an Oompa Loompa! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dave: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Look, I just don’t do that anymore. I’ve got a lot more going for me.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Like what? </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Dave: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Well, I’m launching a line of yoga wear for cats; I’m starring in a reimagining of, <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">Waiting for Godot</i> and…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">OK, I get it… Let’s just move on.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: </span></b><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">OK, So it’s no secret the Canuck’s have been off to a slow start this season. How important is it to get the first goal tonight against a powerhouse like the Capitals? Niccolo…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b style="mso-bidi-font-weight: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Macchiavelli: “</span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">It ought to be remembered that there is nothing more difficult to take in hand, more perilous to conduct, or more uncertain in its success, than to take the lead in the introduction of a new order of things.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">What? What does that even mean?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dave: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Steve, if I may.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I believe Niccolo…</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Shut it, Dave!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All I want to know is how important is it to score the first freaking goal. Brenda?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Brenda: (</span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Holds up paper with a cat dressed as Darth Vader on it).</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">OK, you know what forget it. All I wanted was to get some people with divergent viewpoints together to talk hockey and instead I get you guys. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dave: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Steve, I think I’ve got a little song for you.”</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Perfect! Now you have a song! Well, sing it! </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Dave: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">“Oompa Loompa doompadee doo, I’ve got a little puzzle for you. Oompa Loompa Wickity wick, why are you being such a di….</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Me: </span></b><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Hey!! OK, forget it. We’ll pick this up next time. </span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;"><span lang="EN" style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%; mso-ansi-language: EN; mso-bidi-font-weight: bold; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Follow me on twitter @steveinthekt Next time, I use the novels of Judy Blume to explain why the Canucks aren’t developing enough young talent. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span></div></div></div></div></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2485925766794185605.post-12189276390477453212011-10-29T02:29:00.000-07:002011-10-29T02:29:03.107-07:00My Dinner-ish with Bruce Arthur<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Y6gXOZlI8bs/Tqc_ZYIYzeI/AAAAAAAAAEY/G4S7_7IzoSY/s1600/andre.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Y6gXOZlI8bs/Tqc_ZYIYzeI/AAAAAAAAAEY/G4S7_7IzoSY/s1600/andre.jpg" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Inconceivable.... Oh wait, wrong movie." </td></tr>
</tbody></table>I recently sat down over dinner (<em>OK, full disclosure, by "dinner" I mean, I ate a bowl of Count Chocula over the sink while I typed this. No idea what Bruce was eating while he typed. I like to think he's a Weetabix, skim milk guy.</em>) with <em>National Post </em>columnist, Bruce Arthur. Bruce is also a regular on <em>The Reporters on TSN, TSN Radio co-host Mondays from 4-7</em>, and he does it all while making smart assed comments on Twitter.<br />
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I'd like to think that even though we emailed our questions and answers back and forth, had we actually sat down, it would have unfolded like, <em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yzlgv5D-pWo">My Dinner with Andre</a> </em>without the <em>Gymnopédie No. 1 </em>and turtlenecks. And yes, I called dibs on the Walace Shawn role....<br />
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Me: <span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">By now, we’re all aware of Canuck's General Manager, Mike Gillis’ very public taking of exception to an editorial written in, The Province calling to trade Roberto Luongo for Vincent LeCavalier.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His (Gillis) main concern was about the lack of accountability taken by the newspaper in not signing the editorial.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>What’s your definition of accountability? Was Gillis right, does the media owe a sense of accountability to the Canucks outside of being factual and fair in their assessments? When do you think the media steps over that line?</span><br />
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</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ul_tuILawIw/Tqc7BLH6fTI/AAAAAAAAAEI/8QLLSLM_Jyo/s1600/arthur.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ul_tuILawIw/Tqc7BLH6fTI/AAAAAAAAAEI/8QLLSLM_Jyo/s1600/arthur.png" /></a></div><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bruce: “<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">No offence to Mike Gillis, but he doesn't seem to understand what an editorial is. It's the voice of the paper, presided over by the editorial board, and the editor-in-chief is responsible for it. You don't like it? Call Wayne Moriarty. It's not graffiti on a bathroom wall, or a Twitter account with an egg for an avatar. I think the editorial in question was a little silly, but papers write editorials about silly stuff all the time. Gillis should know by now that this country doesn't have a lot of perspective when it comes to hockey, especially when a team carries expectations around with it. As for going over the line, this wasn't a personal attack, or factually incorrect, or unfair. Just goofy, and it got the whole city talking. Of course, so would portraying Luongo as Dan Cloutier in a photoillustration, but let's hope they don't go there. THAT would be over the line.”</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Let’s turn it around. The Canucks have been the only show in town for so long, and occupy so much of the city’s cultural landscape; what kind of accountability needs to be shown by the Canuck's organization to the fans and media?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do they need to show any at all outside of winning?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bruce: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“Good question. I'm of the increasingly anachronistic opinion that the team should avoid using its own media over traditional media, which is part self-interest and part a dislike of the kind of state media you get in sports. They have a responsibility to fans, certainly, beyond just winning; I think the recent moves towards depression awareness, and a call for fan civility following the riot, were both part of being a good corporate citizen. They're a part of the fabric of the city, and should remain engaged in it. And of course they should, like every Canadian team charging mind-bogglingly high prices for everything, win.”</i></span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me:. It’s often been said that Vancouver is not a sports town, but it is a Canucks town. Fair assessment? Does that make Vancouver any different than Green Bay or any other city where, “…there can be only one”?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Is it this almost “hive like” mentality or the fact that the Canucks were so lower to the bottom for so long that causes eventual powder kegs like riots and figurative goalie lynchings?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bruce: “I'd agree with that. It's different from Green Bay because Vancouver's so much bigger; but then, people forget that the Grizzlies drew decent crowds until they started to drive them away. Vancouver, to me, feels a lot like Toronto - the hockey team dominates, and everything else scraps for the rest. There just isn't as much everything else. But hey, YOU try paying for a Vancouver home and then buying tickets to anything else ever.”</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: Let’s switch gears a bit. You wrote an article about Don Cherry, his apology and how Canada would miss him when he’s gone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Love him or hate him, we can’t ever deny his imprint on Canada’s culture. What is it that makes him so popular? Who do you think could ever replace Cherry, or do you think once he’s gone it will officially be the end of "blustery, tell it like it is..." media personalities on Hockey Night in Canada.</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bruce: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>“Short version: He cannot be replicated. If they plug Mike Milbury into that spot and rename it he'll be a shadow, a pale imitation, an incredible downgrade. Cherry's force of personality is phenomenal; find me another person in the country who stops conversations — and starts them — the way he does. I don't know how they replace him; I've wondered, and it's just hard to imagine. And that's what I mean when I wrote that we would miss him. Hockey Night in Canada has lost or could lose almost anything — the theme, Dick Irvin, Dave Hodge, the Hot Stove, Bob Cole, even Ron MacLean, you name it — and it wouldn't change the tenor of the program as much as removing Cherry”.</span></i></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Me: <a href="http://twitter.com/#!/bruce_arthur">You're a great follow on Twitter</a>. During the Stanley Cup final we talked about the Canuck's futility and parents approaching an age where they may not see a championship in their time. Do you ever wake up, your flying V pajamas soaked through, with the thought, "...that could be me."? Do you have a failsafe at the Arthur compound? Cryogenics, brain in a jar, etc... ?</span></div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><br />
</div><div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;"><span style="font-family: "Times New Roman", "serif"; font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;">Bruce: <i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">“The 1994 final was the most alive I ever felt as a sports fan, but I actually checked in my Canucks fandom several years ago — partly it was being in a business that discourages the notion both overtly and otherwise; partly it was the way my friends defended Todd Bertuzzi on Steve Moore. I still have friends and family who are Canucks fans, and best of luck to them. But I'm a fan of the past, not the present. For those who believe they could go a lifetime without seeing a Stanley Cup, well, look at it this way. The most alive I ever felt as a sports fan was when my team lost on the biggest stage, in heartbreaking fashion. Enjoy what you have. Hell, you're paying enough for it.”</i></span></div>steveinthekthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/04302782513940934369noreply@blogger.com0